Another good paragraph from Geography of Bliss: Iceland

Necessity may be the mother of invention, but interdependence is the mother of affection. We humans need one another, so we cooperate - for purely selfish reasons at first. At some point, though, the needing fades and all that remains is the cooperation. We help other people because we can, or because it makes us feel good, not because we're counting on some payback. There a word for this: love. p. 178

Excerpts: The Geography of Bliss: Bhutan & Qatar

Page 108

In the west and in the United States especially, we try to eliminate the need for compromise. Cars have "personal climate controls" so that driver and passenger need not negotiate a mutually agreeable temperature. That same pair, let's say they're husband and wife, need not agree on the ideal firmness of their mattress, either. Each can set their own "personal comfort level." We embrace these technologies. Why shouldn't everyone enjoy their own personal comfort level, be it in a car or in a bed? I wonder, though, what we lose through such conveniences. If we no longer must compromise on the easy stuff, like mattresses, then what about the the truly important issues? Compromise is a skill, and like all skills it atrophies from lack of use.


Page 156

Wanting things we don't like. If true, it pretty much demolishes the entire field of economics. Economists base their studies on the premise that rational human beings pursue things that will increase their "utility," economist-speak for happiness. Joe works overtime, hardly seeing his family, so he can save money to buy a new BMW. Therefore, the new BMW must increase Joe's utility, his happiness. What economists fail to take into account is that Joe is a moron. No, that's not entirely fair. Joe is not a moron; but Joe's brain clearly is. It's been wired in a way that compels Joe to chase after things that don't make him happy.

Cotillion!!!

All I have to say is, "WOW!!" The 2009 Atlanta Cotillion was an incredible evening! It's the day after, and I'm on such a high, for so many reasons. As the photos pop up on Facebook, it's hard to really think of anything else in the world right now. The event itself was soooooo much work, but the rewarding feeling of fulfillment will keep me glowing for weeks. The makeup will eventually wash off, but I'm a changed man forever.

The idea of the Cotillion itself is so unique: a drag ball to raise money for a charity close to our hearts. It's such a great way to bring the community together. And now, after almost four years of living in Atlanta, the gay community here is MY community. We all did something GOOD for our fellow man, but at the same time, we had such a fun time!

During this passed week, between work and selling a condo, I was BUSY picking up pantie hose, eyeliner, dresses, wigs, shoes, and everything else to complete my look. On Friday night, my good friend, Jason, who was going to style my wig, called me with some bad news. A tree fell on his house, and he hadn't done the wig yet. I was freaking out, but he assured me that it would be ready for the Ball. I got off the phone with him, picked up my white gown from my friend, Jeffrey, and then went home to shave my body. I don't grown much hair, so it was a quick and easy process.

On the day of the Ball, Julio and I met the other debutantes at noon at the venue for a rehearsal. We had done one earlier in the week where I walked in my brand new heels for the first time. Walking in heels came to me a little easier than I had expected. I kept catastrophizing the future in my head, and I thought I'd fall off the runway at the Ball or something crazy.

At about 2:30, I went to Phoenix's apartment for my makeup. Phoenix is an incredibly talented drag queen who regularly gives show-stopping performances at Blake's, Jungle, and other places in the city. She's also an extremely talented makeup artist, and because this Ball was so important, I wanted the best team helping me. In an hour and a half, Phoenix transformed me into a beautiful, sexy, Latina temptress. My expectations were exceeded, and I started to feel more and more comfortable playing the part of my other persona, Chelsea.

My escort, Julio, and I, returned to the Foundry at Puritan Mill (the venue for the Ball) for rehearsal number three, an hour and a half before guests would arrive. I spent a considerable amount of time after rehearsal in the bathroom trying to tape my boobs properly so they wouldn't move. I also had two sets of jewelry to coordinate with my red-carpet dress, and my white ball gown. Being in drag is hard work! But, people were amazed at how beautiful of a woman I was. I received compliments all night long.

My good friend, Jeffrey, who also was the star of my Cotillion fundraiser, Laughter is the Best Medicine, co-hosted the night with Q100's Bert Weiss. Bert stood on a milk crate behind the podium because he's pretty short, and Jeffrey, all done up in drag, towered above him. As they began presenting the debutantes, I began to get nervous for the first time. My heart started beating faster as I walked up the stairs of the stage, and I saw Julio on the other side, ready to walk out with me.

"Presenting, Miss Chelsea Fitzgerald de Rothchild!"

I walked to Julio on stage, did my curtsy quite well, and then walked the runway. A cheer rose from the crowd as I confidently walked to the end, and then back to Julio, where I curtsied a second time. This was a MUCH bigger deal than the time I walked the runway in a New York fashion show as a Tommy Hilfiger-exclusive in the mid-90s. As I walked down the front steps into the crowd, Julio held my hand to assist me. My knees buckled a bit, but I made it to my table to sit and relax for a minute with Julio, Jay, and Jeromy (the star designer from my Fashion for a Cause Party). Two guys in drag and a guy in a tuxedo who sat at my table, I didn't know. They were incredibly sweet, loving guys who explained that they decided to support my campaign without knowing me because of what I had written as my reason for entering the fundraiser contest. It had been published in David magazine and on the AID Atlanta website. I was floored by this, and I had to keep from shedding any tears as they would have messed up my mascara.

The debs met backstage one last time for the crowning of the Queen, the winner of the fundraiser. I knew I wasn't going to win, and I was totally fine with that. Bert and Jeffrey asked Michael and Alex to step forward as the two top fundraisers, so that they could reveal the winner American Idol-style. Michael was crowned Queen, and he danced with his crown on the runway. I'm so genuinely happy for him!

Our show came to an end - but the night was only beginning. We all felt like beautiful celebrities as we walked into the crowd and greeted people who wanted photos with us. Shortly thereafter, I put my purple dress back on and slid into my sneakers. Julio, Jeremy, and I snuck out and went to my place. We sat down on the couch for about a half hour and watched the making of Janet Jackson's tribute to Michael on the VMAs a week earlier. After our quiet break, we hopped in the car and headed to Jungle, where the official Cotillion after-party was getting underway.

Jungle was packed with all types of gays that night. Hot circuit boys, beautifully coiffed drag queens, twinks, and bears, were everywhere! The promoters sectioned part of the club for the Cotillion attendees, which was where I parked myself whenever my feet throbbed. I sat down next to a dead-ringer for Marilyn Monroe. She was sweet, kind, and drunk; and I was beginning to feel like the only non-drinker there. No matter. I ran into Debbie, the mother of a gay youngster, Ian. She goes out a lot and is a prominent figure in our community. She gasped when she saw me, as many did that night. She loved how I looked, and it was just so wonderful to talk to her. She even said my voice was fitting for my persona, and I wasn't very surprised because my voice is a tad bit gay. It was getting late, and I was getting very tired, so I told Julio I was ready to leave around 1:30 a.m. As we were about to leave, I ran into my good friends, Chris and Carl. As we spoke, a great dance song came on, and I looked toward the stage, and suddenly Phoenix came out and started her performance. Jeremy handed me a $5, and said, "Tip her!" Here she was, the drag queen who made me beautiful, was breathtaking in all her glory. We pushed our way through the crowd to the front of the stage, and I tipped her.

At that moment, I was reminded to be grateful, because I didn't do this. I was surrounded by the most beautiful, loving people who were so willing to help me throughout this entire journey. If I were to thank everyone who helped me, the list would go on and on. So many new friends were made, including my fellow debutantes who I love, love, love! And even my ex-husband, Jeremy, and I became something better than ex's: we now have a great, new friendship! So many blessing have been packed into this one, short summer!

So, at the end of the night, I dropped off a tipsy Julio at his place on the park, and I went home, hoping no one would see me in half-drag, by then. My wig had come loose, and so I pulled it off. I went to bed cuddled up with Pumba & Simba, and tried to sleep with intense emotions swirling 'round in my head. "I did it. I can't believe I did it," I thought as I dosed off.

Seamus Visits, Wet 'N Wild, & A Sunday Afternoon Protest

"So, are you ready for your big debut??"

That's been the big question all summer long.

"Actually, I'm still collecting donations. Would you like to contribute? The money goes to AID Atlanta to help those with HIV."

"What's your dress look like?"

"Do you have a wig yet?"

"How are you in heels?"



"Have you ever done drag before?"

"I have one more fundraiser this weekend. We're gonna have great food, drinks, and entertainment around a beautiful pool setting. You should come have fun and support me!"

"I'll be out of town that night."

When people think of the Atlanta Cotillion, they generally think of one thing: men in drag. They picture the pomp and circumstance of getting all dolled up for a gala evening. The good that is done by raising money for AID Atlanta is secondary. And I guess it has to be, because if the Cotillion wasn't something that gay men got excited about, it wouldn't happen at all.

So, in a way, I've had to entertain people with the details of the white gown I'm wearing, and that my make-up is going to be done by the super-talented, Phoenix. These things are certainly exciting, but because this has been a tough road, I've focused on producing four entertaining fundraiser-parties, and I've left the details of my garb for the last minute.

Well, the last minute is here! This passed weekend, not only did I have my final fundraiser, Wet 'N Wild, but I also entertained my little brother, Seamus, who was in town for only one night. He flew down from Connecticut for the wedding of a friend, borrowed my car while I was at work, and stayed with me. We had a great time on Friday night. The two of us went out to Casa Grande for dinner, and then we went to the Graveyard, a str8 bar down the street from Mary's.

The following night, I hosted my pool party. We had a small turnout, but those of us who were there had a truly fabulous time. Sher from David took photos, along with my photographer/friend, Louis, who practically did an entire photo shoot of the boys in speedo's. Everyone contributed something, and we all partied until well passed the end of the fundraiser. The food from Ray's on the River was divine, so although we were in swimsuits, we ate like pigs! We stayed at Joe's pool until 11, and then went to Mixx to support my friend, Jay, who was DJing at that bar for the first time.

On Sunday, after work, I attended a protest outside the Eagle. It had been raided, 1969-style, on Thursday night. This sort of thing absolutely cannot happen, especially when Atlanta expects to have a cosmopolitan image. No drugs were found, and everyone had been released. It is my opinion that the police have no right to conduct the raid of a gay bar simply because many cops dislike gay people. The cops voiced their disgust for gay people during the raid! This is completely unacceptable, and the gay community rallied together to protest the disturbing treatment of those at the bar on Thursday night. It was exhilarating and emotional for me to be at a protest. I was happy to be a part of it.

I ended the weekend on a relaxed note by having a handful of friends over to watch the sometimes shocking, sometimes funny MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday night. I was exceptionally excited to see the show this year because of MJ's tribute at the opening of the show. Madonna gave a heartfelt account of her brief friendship with Michael, and how she felt that she and the world let Michael "fall through the cracks," which is exactly what happened. MJ should have been in treatment for drug addiction. Just sayin'.

After Madge finished up, an army of dancers did a dance tribute. But what followed that was amazing! Scream began, and Janet Jackson came out and performed alongside Michael's image behind her. She did an amazing job, and it was amazing to me how poigniant Scream is now that MJ is gone. Not only was it the siblings' only duet, but it was also his demand for privacy and justice.

So, now that the weekend's over, this whole week will be devoted to drag!!

A Final Appeal

Dear Friends,

The 2009 Atlanta Cotillion fundraising season is now coming to a close. On September 15th, I’ll be accepting the final donations and seat purchases for my campaign.

Not only has this experience been exciting and fulfilling, it has also been very difficult to ask friends and acquaintances to give during a time of recession. I’ve met so many new faces during this fundraising effort, and I’ve also encountered many who are no longer employed, under-employed, or simply struggling to make ends meet. So, first and foremost, I want to thank all of you who have given to my campaign, either monetarily, or by donating your time, home, resources, talents, and even your words of encouragement. I appreciate it more than you know, and the clients of AID Atlanta are better off as a result of your love and support.

On Saturday, September 12th, I’ll be hosting my final fundraiser, Wet ‘N Wild, at 5:00pm, and I hope you can make it. It will be an intimate pool party at my friend’s home in Lenox Hills. We’ll have food by Ray’s on the River, music, drinks, contests, and prizes. Please come and support the Atlanta Cotillion!

If you are still planning to make a donation towards my campaign, this is your final week to do so. Please visit http://www.atlantacotillion.com/ or http://www.kevinmalin.net/ to make a donation.

THANK YOU!

- Kevin

A Gay RoundUp

It’s Labor Day Weekend!! And the Hotlanta RoundUp is in full swing! This year, the gay recovery convention and party has had over 350 registrants, and although I’ve had to work during the daytime events, I’ve had a wonderful time so far. It’s being held at the Georgia Tech Hotel & Convention Center, which is a really nice venue.

I headed over there on Friday evening after work, attended the Young & Fabulous meeting, and then stuffed my face during the opening reception (the chicken wings were delicious!) The speaker meeting afterwards featured a speaker who was called in at the last minute. He was probably about 50 years old, looked exceptionally young for his age, and was originally from Cuba, now residing in Miami. His story took us through his early days of drinking, partying, and failing at jobs and relationships. What he is like now is in complete contrast to who he was. He’s been sober for many years, is a respected member of the hotel industry in Miami, and has two sponsors and several sponsees who help him stay sober.

The entertainment for the evening featured a fun, variety show based on the Twelve Steps, and it was hosted by the exceptionally hilarious, Giselle, a drag queen in recovery. My friend, Kevin, was in the show, also in drag, so his boyfriend Dennis (not in recovery) came to the show to take photos. I sat with Dennis, and we watched, laughed, and sang along. Kevin came on stage and did this number for the Ninth Step, and sang a song about making amends. It was so entertaining! We had a wonderful time that night!

I got up Saturday morning and went to work. Meanwhile, at the RoundUp, workshops on stepwork and other aspects of recovery were going on all day. I got out of work, went to the gym for a quick workout, and then headed back to the RoundUp. I got there in time for the Countdown, which is a really fun activity where the speaker counts from One Day, to Thirty-Three Years, and as each increment of time is reached, the people with the corresponding time in Sobriety stand up. I have thirty-three months at this point, but I made a mistake and stood up at Three Years, when I should have stood up at Two. My response time was slow after a long day. :-)

Next was the speaker for the night. She was a straight woman whose story was FILLED with drama! How incredibly juicy! Her sponsors had been gay men, and her life had been riddled with so much insanity, that we totally ate it up! It really made my night!

At the same time all this was going on, this super-hot stud I’m seeing was having a party for those not attending the RoundUp at his place in Grant Park. As I often do, I wanted to squeeze in the RoundUp and make an appearance at the party. And because the party was attended by others in recovery, it was almost like going to a RoundUp event. So, after the speaker was done, I spent some moments saying Hello to people, including my good friend, Rand, and then I excused myself and snuck out to the party.

The party was so much fun! “J” and his roommates went all out with the food! Everything was great! We hung out, chatted, ate, smoked; and then around 12:15am, we went to the Heretic! I had no plans on going to bars/clubs this weekend, but I also was planning on doing whatever J wanted to do, so off we went!

Usually, when I go to the Heretic, it’s a Friday night, not Saturday, and the group there is usually an attractive crowd with a sprinkling of boys from Gravity Fitness. However, this was a Saturday night, and I knew no one. But that was cool because I was with my fellow non-drinkers. We ended the night by making a spontaneous, surprise appearance at the Eagle! I hadn’t been in a while and it was actually more fun than Heretic was!

On Sunday, I had to work, and after having a late night out, I was pretty beat. So, Sunday night, I stayed in a caught up on some needed rest. I caught up with the RoundUp people on Monday at one of the largest noon meetings at Galano I'd ever been to. The topic was Step Three: turning our lives over to the care of God.

After the meeting, everyone went to McClatchey Park, where members of Galano and attendees of the RoundUp converged for a cookout. It was a really great gathering of folks, and a wonderful way to end a long, productive, non-stop, and spiritually fulfilling weekend.

I Am Powerless . . .

It’s been an busy summer! I’ve hosted several fundraiser parties for my bid for the Atlanta Cotillion, and I have one left before the fundraising is over. The final one will be an intimate pool party at my friend, Joe’s. He has a beautiful home off Buford Highway, and I’ve got people to help with putting it together. Jeffrey will help with the logistics, and Julio will probably be a shirtless bartender. Joe secured Ray’s on the River as the food provider. I wish Jay could be there to DJ, but he has to DJ another function later that evening. It’s cool, though; he’s been a big help to my campaign.

I guess this is what I came to Atlanta to accomplish. Back in Boston, I knew lots of people, but they knew me as a fun, cute drunk. People didn’t take me seriously. And how could they? I’d see someone during the day, and they’d ask if my head still hurt from hitting it on another barstool the night before. I wouldn’t know what they were talking about.

Now, here in Atlanta, and as a side benefit from the Cotillion, I know quite a few people, my image has been everywhere, and people take me just a tad more seriously than back in the old days. It’s nice! More importantly, my real estate career is benefitting from the exposure as well!

At the same time, I’m keeping my dangerous ego in check. My purpose for my involvement with the Cotillion is solely to benefit an organization that helps people with HIV. But it would be very easy for me to eat up the attention I’m getting on Facebook from my recent wet t-shirt photo shoot I did for the pool party invite. I did it to get people to the party, but I also did it for myself. I wanted an esteem boost without boosting my ego, because my ego will lead me right to a nice, cold Corona with lime. Sounds harmless; doesn’t it?

I’m not even exactly sure what I want to do with my future. But now that Atlanta is my home (for the next bunch of years, at least), it’s good to have a reputation associated with philanthropy. Real estate is how I make my living right now, but I’m not sure that I’m truly passionate about it. Maybe I’m still searching for my passion. I often have feelings of inadequacy that go something like this: I’m almost thirty-four, but I still feel like a young student who isn’t sure about what to do with himself next.

All of this, of course, has to do with my control issues. I’m an alcoholic, and generally alcoholics try to control more than they can. I know now, that I actually can’t control ANYTHING, much less the future, so I should really just let it unfold. If I do, I’m actually pleasantly surprised with what life brings.

Last week, for instance, I ran into this guy I know from AA. He’s got time, he’s insanely attractive, he’s got a great law career, and . . . he likes me! I had absolutely no idea. In fact, I thought he was arrogant and self-absorbed, but it was only because I had a crush on him, and I thought he should pay more attention to me. Now, who’s self-absorbed?? So, we’re talking and getting to know each other right now, and I’m very excited about it! And it wasn’t because I was looking for a guy, or because I’m in the Cotillion. It happened completely independently of everything I’m trying to control.

So, I don’t know exactly what my future has in store for me, but things are going well with work, in my social life, with my family, and with this new guy. I’m moving to a beautiful, new home, with lots of room at the end of October. In fact, I’ll be moving over the weekend that happens to be my birthday, Halloween, and Atlanta Gay Pride. That’s going to be another busy weekend!

The Main Event Quickly Approaching

It's been a busy few weeks!! With the help of some exceptional friends and generous community members, we pulled off a successful Cotillion fundraiser at Cowtippers last Wednesday. I want to take a second to thank those who helped with the event, and those who contributed products or services:

Julio Leyva of Helmet

Mo Cowan of Joe's Trivia

Edward Robinson of Gravity Fitness

Cory Camp of Helmet

CJ of Helmet

Alfredo Olvera of Nordstrom

Louis Lindic Photography

Phillip Rafshoon of Outwrite

Jeffrey Blooms Events

and, of course, Steve Tyrell & his staff at Cowtippers

Having the first event has given me a renewed sense of determination and confidence. And with one event under our belts, my committee and I are anticipating a successful, fun, and rewarding fundraiser this Saturday at 7pm at Helmet in East Atlanta. We've brought together some prominent figures in Atlanta's gay community for a very fashionable party that will feature a cutting-edge runway show in which Boy Next Door and local designer extraordinaire, Jeromy Allen Wiborg, will feature their flashy threads.

Farewell, MJ

The passed two weeks have been eventful, to say the least! Let's go back to June 24th. It was a day off from my new job at Luxe (which is going quite well, by-the-way), and I was running around with Mo. We meet up on Wednesdays to discuss and plan Atlanta Cotillion events. So far, we have a trivia night at Cowtippers in the works, a beer bust at Joe's, a house party/fashion show at Herbert's, a comedy night at the Park Tavern featuring Jeffrey Blums, and a joint-debutante party at the Georgian Terrace. So, things are progressing, and I couldn't be doing this without the help of my committee: Mo, Julio, & Jay.

We've suffered several set-backs so far, most-recently when Mixx denied our request to host a party there. Their reasons were that they didn't want an outside DJ, they hated the idea for a drag show, the party couldn't be on a weekend, and a few other reasons. I quickly formed a resentment towards Mixx like a true alcoholic, however, I will let it go and focus on the other venues.

Thursday came, and I was excited to be doing a photo shoot with my good friend, Josh, who is also an amazing professional photographer. I disliked the headshot we did for the Cotillion, and I thought Josh & I could do better. We went to the park for a couple of hours and had a great time! The photos, by the way, came out great, and you can view them on Facebook.

I headed home to change for the gym, and my ex-husband and now good friend, Jeremy, called. I answered, and he immediately asked, "Did Michael Jackson die?"

I was like, "What??"

"Yeah, I think he really died."

I put on CNN and got onto Facebook, and after about an hour, it seemed quite certain that he was gone. I went to the gym, and was almost in tears as I worked out. For the rest of the evening, I received phone calls, text messages, and Facebook notifications from friends around the country asking me if I was okay. Friends I hadn't heard from in years were contacting me and telling me that they thought of me first, when they heard the news.

My younger friends were unphased and somewhat insensitive at times, but it was the people I had gone to school with who were sad and confused by his death. I was about six when Thriller was released, and my two brothers and I bought MJ jackets that looked like the one he wore in Beat It. We played that record over and over for a really long time. I was a huge fan. He was the greatest artist to me when I was a kid. When Dangerous came out, I studied the music and lyrics as if I were to be tested. It's still my favorite album. I watched the world premiers of Black or White and Remember the Time, and they were the greatest videos ever.

I was at Tower Records in Times Square at midnight for the release of HIStory, and I dressed up as Michael my senior year of high school for Halloween. It was so much fun because although people knew it wasn't really him, they screamed with delight anyway! I did it again in college, and I won third place for best costume!

I had forgotten that I admired him as much as I did, until the calls came in on that dark day. I was home in New York this passed weekend to visit my family, and some of my friends brought up the times I had dressed up as MJ.

Today was his memorial service in LA, and I got to watch a little of it at work, and it seemed most of the world was doing the same. It's a terrible loss to the whole world to have lost someone so talented and giving. He gave of himself more than almost anyone. His daughter, Paris, spoke at the end of the service as Janet stood by her side, and even without sound on my computer, I started to cry, because I imagined how awful it must be for the family.

I just want to say that I truly believe that he was a good human being, someone who was terribly misunderstood, and someone who paid a dear price for incredible fame and success. He was a talent we'll never see again, because there will only be one Michael Jackson.

New Job, New Home, New Direction!!

It’s Memorial Day Weekend in Atlanta, and I’m at my new job at Luxe Midtown. Many of my friends are vacationing in Pensacola, Provincetown, Fort Lauderdale, and Dallas. I’m actually happy and grateful to be at work instead of on a trip partaking in the fun debauchery that historically accompanies this weekend because, for the first time since my last drink over twenty-nine months ago, I have a full-time job that pays enough to cover all of my living expenses. For the passed couple of years, I’ve made a go at a real estate career while balancing part-time jobs at Gravity Fitness, Joe’s on Juniper, and even Nordstrom. I’ve recently decided that my individual real estate aspirations can take a back-seat role to something more stable, so I was recently hired as Luxe condominium’s new closing coordinator, and I love it! It’s really the perfect job during this recession because it’s real estate. Each day I’m here, I’m learning; and the knowledge I’ve acquired on my own is constantly refreshed, so I won’t forget legal terms and laws.

So, although I’m not at the beach, I’m earning a paycheck, and I have an extra day off for Memorial Day. I’m sure my friends are having a great time partying, but the weather this weekend is less-than desirable. I’m also going to be moving to a new home in the next week after my last shift at Gravity on Tuesday. My current living situation has become a bit dramatic, so as Mason moves to his new home in Brooklyn, I’ll be assuming residence at his condo, which is conveniently closer to Midtown.

As summer approaches, I try to devote my downtime to the Atlanta Cotillion, which is a fundraiser for AID Atlanta that I’m doing this year. I’m going to be throwing several summer parties to raise money for the cause, and it all culminates in September with a drag ball to celebrate he who has raised the most unrestricted funds. The winning debutante will be crowned Queen of the Cotillion. My good friend, Jay, is helping a great deal with the parties as they are a great opportunity for him to promote his party company, Spiked Productions. Ernest is also helping a great deal with his fundraising ideas and writing. Julio, who is now a celebrity in the community as a result of his swimsuit spread in David magazine, will be bartending at the parties. The whole effort still seems daunting to me as things fall into place. The $5,000 minimum to raise seems like such an enormous amount. I compare it to the $2,300 I raised for the Northeast AIDSRide back in June of ’01. But the difference is, I asked people for donations back then; I didn’t throw any parties. I also drank heavily back in those days. So, with the help I’m receiving from my friends, and all the connections I’ve made in Atlanta, I should be able to draw substantial crowds to the events.

And if you’re reading this, you’re support is obligatory! See you this summer!

A Short-Lived Affair

It's been a few days since M & I broke up, and I'm still a little down in the dumps. What sucks the most is that we were so good together, but we both knew it wasn't going to work out. I know we'll be good friends, and that our relationship will evolve into what it was meant to be, but for now, I need to just keep my head up. I need to avoid blaming myself or him, and I need to avoid entertaining negative thoughts that might depress me. Most importantly, I need to avoid drinking alcohol over this. They say, we drink over the little things, and because this was a short-lived affair, it would fall into this dangerous category.

I'm not worried, though. Drinking is not something I'm contemplating. However, I am seriously thinking about finding some naive trick to rebound with. I'm sure some would say, "Go for it," and I'm not saying I won't. I'm only human, but I'm not sure how disrupted my serenity would be after such a fling. Do I really want to introduce more drama into my life?

Tonight, M & I are going to go out to Swinging Richard's. . . as friends. And at this point, I'm very happy to have him as a friend because he's an awesome guy.

Have I found love in Redneck Georgia?

So, for the passed few weeks, I've been seeing this new guy, who I shall call M, for the purposes of privacy. We seem to have a lot in common, and there's definitely a lot of electricity between us. He's a very attractive, intelligent twenty-eight year-old architect from Baton Rouge. We established early on that we're both unconventional guys. I mean, our first date was at Swinging Richard's, if that says anything about us. Then again, my relationships have always been "progressive" in more ways than one.

It's been almost two years to the day that I've been single, and as thrilled as I am, I know much adjustment will have to occur. For instance, I'm working at the gym tonight, and my flirtatious nature is more prevalent to myself than usual. Not that I'm any more flirty than I usually am, it's just more obvious now that I've been in a relationship for the last twenty-four hours. Also, in the passed two years, I've become the happy bachelor, going out with friends and having fun while not necessarily looking for anyone or anything. I've become quite accustomed to having my own space, in my own bed, in my own decision-making, and especially in going wherever, whenever.

In my passed relationships, and especially in my marriage, I've seen the two components of a relationship more as a single "unit." I would consider the other person when grocery shopping, making plans with others, and deciding on the next city to live in, among other things. So, I know it's going to be like that. But I'm also a different person now. I've been without an alcoholic drink for twenty-seven months next week, so hopefully, I'm less selfish. I can only imagine that a relationship without my drinking would have to be infinitely better than relationships with. I've also done a lot of growing up in the passed two years. Desires to go out all the time because I was afraid I was going to miss something social have become far fewer. And socializing has become a much more productive activity. Now, I like to attend functions rather than see what's going on in the back-room of a dingy club. I guess I've gotten more than a few things out of my system.

Anyway, the real story lies in the activities of this passed weekend. M had been spending the week in Quitman, GA, which is just west of Valdosta, and about eight miles north of the Florida border. He was making some extra cash at his friends' antique store, and he asked me to visit for the weekend. I got off to a late start on Saturday, but I had just bought new tires in preparation, so I was speeding along I-75 at warp speed. I met them at a Mardi-Gras party at this tiny Cajun bar/restaurant in the middle of nowhere a mile north of Florida. The people were very sweet, however, we refrained from any public displays of affection. We smoked, ate, and drank (diet Coke for me), and then we went to this place called, Rascals. For as long as I live, I'll never forget Rascals. The only way I can describe it accurately is it was like a modern-day skinhead party with more hair, less hate, and no gowns. Fortunately, we were travelling in a large group, so we were pretty safe among the white, Baptist, illiterate republicans. As I watched them dance to music I didn't know, I realized that all they had to do was meet us, and they'd be cool with us. They weren't hateful people; they knew what they knew because that's all they know! It was an eye-opening experience.

From there, we went to Charley O's, which was an old, Irish pub with a good band, and a more progressive crowd. They had a couple of hot bartenders who served as very nice eye-candy. We chilled there for a bit, but M & I were getting a little anxious for some "alone time." We took M's friend's house key and headed home. That night, for lack of a better term, M sealed the deal with me. I was ready for a relationship.

The next morning, M's friends took us to this very inexpensive soul food type restaurant. The food was amazing! I had heard of really excellent Southern cooking, and I think this was my first experience of exceptional Southern cooking. We ate like pigs, and then went home and napped. We awoke in a panic when we realized that we were not going to make it back to Atlanta by the beginning of the Oscars. But by that time, nothing else mattered. I wanted M to be my first boyfriend in two years, and in sobriety.

We had separate cars, so we followed each other on the way home. I made sure he knew that we'd stop at least once for coffee. He's well aware, by this time, of my addiction to coffee. But we also stopped to eat at a Hardee's, and as we both got out of our cars, I told him I was ready, and that I wanted him to be my boyfriend. We kissed in the parking lot, not caring about who might see. We then ate our hamburgers and fries with new-found excitement. When we got home, we watched the remainder of the Oscars, and I cried when Sean Penn won for "best actor" for Milk. What a great weekend!

The next few weeks will be interesting to say the least. M has decided to do some vegan cleansing ritual for the next 21 days. He can't smoke or drink, so I told him I might give him some room this week. I've learned from passed experience that a boyfriend without cigarettes is a complete bitch, so until we get together again, I'll be on this side of Atlanta, and M can stay on THAT side!

There's Nothing Like the Present

It's 2009, and I'm SOOOO living in the present right now. I knew the new year would be better than the last, but I totally didn't think things would improve as quickly as they have! I can barely keep up, actually!

A couple of weeks ago, I was planning on moving to a new, one-bedroom apartment in the same apartment complex I'd lived in for almost two years, the Aventine on Sidney Marcus in Buckhead. But at the very last minute, like on December 30th, my good friend Jeffrey invited me to move into his huge, beautiful townhouse off Buford Highway. It all happened within the blink of an eye: I got back my rent check from the Aventine for January, and moved into Jeffrey's. Business hasn't been great for anyone lately, and Jeffrey decided that renting out the guest bedroom would help him out.

So, for the first time in over two years, I walked into the liquor store at Ansley Mall. Nothing had changed, and all the vodkas were still in the same place. Before you freak out, I wasn't buying it for myself. In fact, I bought it and some pizza as incentives for my friends to help me move. I hate to move, and I couldn't do it alone. After I threw out half of my worldly belongings and gave the other half away to a young college student moving into the same complex, I moved into Sterling Oaks, a gated community just north of North Druid Hills. It's perfect. I'm so happy!

Pumba & Simba now have a new friend! His name is Max, and he's Jeffrey's dog. I don't know much about dogs, so I don't know what type of dog he is, but he's a tiny, fluffy lap-dog. He's very cute, and he doesn't know what cats are. The three of them are taking their time adjusting to each other, but no violence has broken out, and they pretty much just examine each other from afar. It's interesting to watch them as they try to figure things out. My kitties have already grown accustomed to their new home, and they seem to be quite happy. I was a little apprehensive at first, but things are turning out okay.

Aside from my new residence, other aspects of my life are improving as well. One of my best friends, Jay, left the gym, so we needed to fill in some hours. So, I picked up some extra hours despite my fear of working too much. It's an irrational fear, and I need the money! My new part-time gig with Will, the event-designer is good! It's flexible, and because it's mostly organizational work, I find it to be quite easy.

My two hot real estate leads cooled to warm, at best. But my investor-client purchased not one, but TWO properties this week. They were both cash deals, so we closed both very quickly. That commission comes in quite handy as I try to improve my financial status. Things have gotten to be pretty tough for people, and we really need to make money however we can (honestly, of course). A very close friend of mine just got the word that his position will be eliminated soon, so I just sent out an email to friends who might know of anyone looking for an accountant. I'm sure he won't be the only friend I know who is facing a lay-off.

So, for now, things are good in my life, however, I'll try to look out for my friends as best as I can. I've been listening to Oprah's radio channel 156 on XM a lot lately, and it's inspired me to "live my best life" by living a more spiritual life. And that includes taking care of myself and my family & friends. It's very AA; I highly recommend it to everyone.

Take care, and have a fabulous 2009!