A Gay RoundUp

It’s Labor Day Weekend!! And the Hotlanta RoundUp is in full swing! This year, the gay recovery convention and party has had over 350 registrants, and although I’ve had to work during the daytime events, I’ve had a wonderful time so far. It’s being held at the Georgia Tech Hotel & Convention Center, which is a really nice venue.

I headed over there on Friday evening after work, attended the Young & Fabulous meeting, and then stuffed my face during the opening reception (the chicken wings were delicious!) The speaker meeting afterwards featured a speaker who was called in at the last minute. He was probably about 50 years old, looked exceptionally young for his age, and was originally from Cuba, now residing in Miami. His story took us through his early days of drinking, partying, and failing at jobs and relationships. What he is like now is in complete contrast to who he was. He’s been sober for many years, is a respected member of the hotel industry in Miami, and has two sponsors and several sponsees who help him stay sober.

The entertainment for the evening featured a fun, variety show based on the Twelve Steps, and it was hosted by the exceptionally hilarious, Giselle, a drag queen in recovery. My friend, Kevin, was in the show, also in drag, so his boyfriend Dennis (not in recovery) came to the show to take photos. I sat with Dennis, and we watched, laughed, and sang along. Kevin came on stage and did this number for the Ninth Step, and sang a song about making amends. It was so entertaining! We had a wonderful time that night!

I got up Saturday morning and went to work. Meanwhile, at the RoundUp, workshops on stepwork and other aspects of recovery were going on all day. I got out of work, went to the gym for a quick workout, and then headed back to the RoundUp. I got there in time for the Countdown, which is a really fun activity where the speaker counts from One Day, to Thirty-Three Years, and as each increment of time is reached, the people with the corresponding time in Sobriety stand up. I have thirty-three months at this point, but I made a mistake and stood up at Three Years, when I should have stood up at Two. My response time was slow after a long day. :-)

Next was the speaker for the night. She was a straight woman whose story was FILLED with drama! How incredibly juicy! Her sponsors had been gay men, and her life had been riddled with so much insanity, that we totally ate it up! It really made my night!

At the same time all this was going on, this super-hot stud I’m seeing was having a party for those not attending the RoundUp at his place in Grant Park. As I often do, I wanted to squeeze in the RoundUp and make an appearance at the party. And because the party was attended by others in recovery, it was almost like going to a RoundUp event. So, after the speaker was done, I spent some moments saying Hello to people, including my good friend, Rand, and then I excused myself and snuck out to the party.

The party was so much fun! “J” and his roommates went all out with the food! Everything was great! We hung out, chatted, ate, smoked; and then around 12:15am, we went to the Heretic! I had no plans on going to bars/clubs this weekend, but I also was planning on doing whatever J wanted to do, so off we went!

Usually, when I go to the Heretic, it’s a Friday night, not Saturday, and the group there is usually an attractive crowd with a sprinkling of boys from Gravity Fitness. However, this was a Saturday night, and I knew no one. But that was cool because I was with my fellow non-drinkers. We ended the night by making a spontaneous, surprise appearance at the Eagle! I hadn’t been in a while and it was actually more fun than Heretic was!

On Sunday, I had to work, and after having a late night out, I was pretty beat. So, Sunday night, I stayed in a caught up on some needed rest. I caught up with the RoundUp people on Monday at one of the largest noon meetings at Galano I'd ever been to. The topic was Step Three: turning our lives over to the care of God.

After the meeting, everyone went to McClatchey Park, where members of Galano and attendees of the RoundUp converged for a cookout. It was a really great gathering of folks, and a wonderful way to end a long, productive, non-stop, and spiritually fulfilling weekend.

I Am Powerless . . .

It’s been an busy summer! I’ve hosted several fundraiser parties for my bid for the Atlanta Cotillion, and I have one left before the fundraising is over. The final one will be an intimate pool party at my friend, Joe’s. He has a beautiful home off Buford Highway, and I’ve got people to help with putting it together. Jeffrey will help with the logistics, and Julio will probably be a shirtless bartender. Joe secured Ray’s on the River as the food provider. I wish Jay could be there to DJ, but he has to DJ another function later that evening. It’s cool, though; he’s been a big help to my campaign.

I guess this is what I came to Atlanta to accomplish. Back in Boston, I knew lots of people, but they knew me as a fun, cute drunk. People didn’t take me seriously. And how could they? I’d see someone during the day, and they’d ask if my head still hurt from hitting it on another barstool the night before. I wouldn’t know what they were talking about.

Now, here in Atlanta, and as a side benefit from the Cotillion, I know quite a few people, my image has been everywhere, and people take me just a tad more seriously than back in the old days. It’s nice! More importantly, my real estate career is benefitting from the exposure as well!

At the same time, I’m keeping my dangerous ego in check. My purpose for my involvement with the Cotillion is solely to benefit an organization that helps people with HIV. But it would be very easy for me to eat up the attention I’m getting on Facebook from my recent wet t-shirt photo shoot I did for the pool party invite. I did it to get people to the party, but I also did it for myself. I wanted an esteem boost without boosting my ego, because my ego will lead me right to a nice, cold Corona with lime. Sounds harmless; doesn’t it?

I’m not even exactly sure what I want to do with my future. But now that Atlanta is my home (for the next bunch of years, at least), it’s good to have a reputation associated with philanthropy. Real estate is how I make my living right now, but I’m not sure that I’m truly passionate about it. Maybe I’m still searching for my passion. I often have feelings of inadequacy that go something like this: I’m almost thirty-four, but I still feel like a young student who isn’t sure about what to do with himself next.

All of this, of course, has to do with my control issues. I’m an alcoholic, and generally alcoholics try to control more than they can. I know now, that I actually can’t control ANYTHING, much less the future, so I should really just let it unfold. If I do, I’m actually pleasantly surprised with what life brings.

Last week, for instance, I ran into this guy I know from AA. He’s got time, he’s insanely attractive, he’s got a great law career, and . . . he likes me! I had absolutely no idea. In fact, I thought he was arrogant and self-absorbed, but it was only because I had a crush on him, and I thought he should pay more attention to me. Now, who’s self-absorbed?? So, we’re talking and getting to know each other right now, and I’m very excited about it! And it wasn’t because I was looking for a guy, or because I’m in the Cotillion. It happened completely independently of everything I’m trying to control.

So, I don’t know exactly what my future has in store for me, but things are going well with work, in my social life, with my family, and with this new guy. I’m moving to a beautiful, new home, with lots of room at the end of October. In fact, I’ll be moving over the weekend that happens to be my birthday, Halloween, and Atlanta Gay Pride. That’s going to be another busy weekend!

The Main Event Quickly Approaching

It's been a busy few weeks!! With the help of some exceptional friends and generous community members, we pulled off a successful Cotillion fundraiser at Cowtippers last Wednesday. I want to take a second to thank those who helped with the event, and those who contributed products or services:

Julio Leyva of Helmet

Mo Cowan of Joe's Trivia

Edward Robinson of Gravity Fitness

Cory Camp of Helmet

CJ of Helmet

Alfredo Olvera of Nordstrom

Louis Lindic Photography

Phillip Rafshoon of Outwrite

Jeffrey Blooms Events

and, of course, Steve Tyrell & his staff at Cowtippers

Having the first event has given me a renewed sense of determination and confidence. And with one event under our belts, my committee and I are anticipating a successful, fun, and rewarding fundraiser this Saturday at 7pm at Helmet in East Atlanta. We've brought together some prominent figures in Atlanta's gay community for a very fashionable party that will feature a cutting-edge runway show in which Boy Next Door and local designer extraordinaire, Jeromy Allen Wiborg, will feature their flashy threads.

Farewell, MJ

The passed two weeks have been eventful, to say the least! Let's go back to June 24th. It was a day off from my new job at Luxe (which is going quite well, by-the-way), and I was running around with Mo. We meet up on Wednesdays to discuss and plan Atlanta Cotillion events. So far, we have a trivia night at Cowtippers in the works, a beer bust at Joe's, a house party/fashion show at Herbert's, a comedy night at the Park Tavern featuring Jeffrey Blums, and a joint-debutante party at the Georgian Terrace. So, things are progressing, and I couldn't be doing this without the help of my committee: Mo, Julio, & Jay.

We've suffered several set-backs so far, most-recently when Mixx denied our request to host a party there. Their reasons were that they didn't want an outside DJ, they hated the idea for a drag show, the party couldn't be on a weekend, and a few other reasons. I quickly formed a resentment towards Mixx like a true alcoholic, however, I will let it go and focus on the other venues.

Thursday came, and I was excited to be doing a photo shoot with my good friend, Josh, who is also an amazing professional photographer. I disliked the headshot we did for the Cotillion, and I thought Josh & I could do better. We went to the park for a couple of hours and had a great time! The photos, by the way, came out great, and you can view them on Facebook.

I headed home to change for the gym, and my ex-husband and now good friend, Jeremy, called. I answered, and he immediately asked, "Did Michael Jackson die?"

I was like, "What??"

"Yeah, I think he really died."

I put on CNN and got onto Facebook, and after about an hour, it seemed quite certain that he was gone. I went to the gym, and was almost in tears as I worked out. For the rest of the evening, I received phone calls, text messages, and Facebook notifications from friends around the country asking me if I was okay. Friends I hadn't heard from in years were contacting me and telling me that they thought of me first, when they heard the news.

My younger friends were unphased and somewhat insensitive at times, but it was the people I had gone to school with who were sad and confused by his death. I was about six when Thriller was released, and my two brothers and I bought MJ jackets that looked like the one he wore in Beat It. We played that record over and over for a really long time. I was a huge fan. He was the greatest artist to me when I was a kid. When Dangerous came out, I studied the music and lyrics as if I were to be tested. It's still my favorite album. I watched the world premiers of Black or White and Remember the Time, and they were the greatest videos ever.

I was at Tower Records in Times Square at midnight for the release of HIStory, and I dressed up as Michael my senior year of high school for Halloween. It was so much fun because although people knew it wasn't really him, they screamed with delight anyway! I did it again in college, and I won third place for best costume!

I had forgotten that I admired him as much as I did, until the calls came in on that dark day. I was home in New York this passed weekend to visit my family, and some of my friends brought up the times I had dressed up as MJ.

Today was his memorial service in LA, and I got to watch a little of it at work, and it seemed most of the world was doing the same. It's a terrible loss to the whole world to have lost someone so talented and giving. He gave of himself more than almost anyone. His daughter, Paris, spoke at the end of the service as Janet stood by her side, and even without sound on my computer, I started to cry, because I imagined how awful it must be for the family.

I just want to say that I truly believe that he was a good human being, someone who was terribly misunderstood, and someone who paid a dear price for incredible fame and success. He was a talent we'll never see again, because there will only be one Michael Jackson.

New Job, New Home, New Direction!!

It’s Memorial Day Weekend in Atlanta, and I’m at my new job at Luxe Midtown. Many of my friends are vacationing in Pensacola, Provincetown, Fort Lauderdale, and Dallas. I’m actually happy and grateful to be at work instead of on a trip partaking in the fun debauchery that historically accompanies this weekend because, for the first time since my last drink over twenty-nine months ago, I have a full-time job that pays enough to cover all of my living expenses. For the passed couple of years, I’ve made a go at a real estate career while balancing part-time jobs at Gravity Fitness, Joe’s on Juniper, and even Nordstrom. I’ve recently decided that my individual real estate aspirations can take a back-seat role to something more stable, so I was recently hired as Luxe condominium’s new closing coordinator, and I love it! It’s really the perfect job during this recession because it’s real estate. Each day I’m here, I’m learning; and the knowledge I’ve acquired on my own is constantly refreshed, so I won’t forget legal terms and laws.

So, although I’m not at the beach, I’m earning a paycheck, and I have an extra day off for Memorial Day. I’m sure my friends are having a great time partying, but the weather this weekend is less-than desirable. I’m also going to be moving to a new home in the next week after my last shift at Gravity on Tuesday. My current living situation has become a bit dramatic, so as Mason moves to his new home in Brooklyn, I’ll be assuming residence at his condo, which is conveniently closer to Midtown.

As summer approaches, I try to devote my downtime to the Atlanta Cotillion, which is a fundraiser for AID Atlanta that I’m doing this year. I’m going to be throwing several summer parties to raise money for the cause, and it all culminates in September with a drag ball to celebrate he who has raised the most unrestricted funds. The winning debutante will be crowned Queen of the Cotillion. My good friend, Jay, is helping a great deal with the parties as they are a great opportunity for him to promote his party company, Spiked Productions. Ernest is also helping a great deal with his fundraising ideas and writing. Julio, who is now a celebrity in the community as a result of his swimsuit spread in David magazine, will be bartending at the parties. The whole effort still seems daunting to me as things fall into place. The $5,000 minimum to raise seems like such an enormous amount. I compare it to the $2,300 I raised for the Northeast AIDSRide back in June of ’01. But the difference is, I asked people for donations back then; I didn’t throw any parties. I also drank heavily back in those days. So, with the help I’m receiving from my friends, and all the connections I’ve made in Atlanta, I should be able to draw substantial crowds to the events.

And if you’re reading this, you’re support is obligatory! See you this summer!

A Short-Lived Affair

It's been a few days since M & I broke up, and I'm still a little down in the dumps. What sucks the most is that we were so good together, but we both knew it wasn't going to work out. I know we'll be good friends, and that our relationship will evolve into what it was meant to be, but for now, I need to just keep my head up. I need to avoid blaming myself or him, and I need to avoid entertaining negative thoughts that might depress me. Most importantly, I need to avoid drinking alcohol over this. They say, we drink over the little things, and because this was a short-lived affair, it would fall into this dangerous category.

I'm not worried, though. Drinking is not something I'm contemplating. However, I am seriously thinking about finding some naive trick to rebound with. I'm sure some would say, "Go for it," and I'm not saying I won't. I'm only human, but I'm not sure how disrupted my serenity would be after such a fling. Do I really want to introduce more drama into my life?

Tonight, M & I are going to go out to Swinging Richard's. . . as friends. And at this point, I'm very happy to have him as a friend because he's an awesome guy.

Have I found love in Redneck Georgia?

So, for the passed few weeks, I've been seeing this new guy, who I shall call M, for the purposes of privacy. We seem to have a lot in common, and there's definitely a lot of electricity between us. He's a very attractive, intelligent twenty-eight year-old architect from Baton Rouge. We established early on that we're both unconventional guys. I mean, our first date was at Swinging Richard's, if that says anything about us. Then again, my relationships have always been "progressive" in more ways than one.

It's been almost two years to the day that I've been single, and as thrilled as I am, I know much adjustment will have to occur. For instance, I'm working at the gym tonight, and my flirtatious nature is more prevalent to myself than usual. Not that I'm any more flirty than I usually am, it's just more obvious now that I've been in a relationship for the last twenty-four hours. Also, in the passed two years, I've become the happy bachelor, going out with friends and having fun while not necessarily looking for anyone or anything. I've become quite accustomed to having my own space, in my own bed, in my own decision-making, and especially in going wherever, whenever.

In my passed relationships, and especially in my marriage, I've seen the two components of a relationship more as a single "unit." I would consider the other person when grocery shopping, making plans with others, and deciding on the next city to live in, among other things. So, I know it's going to be like that. But I'm also a different person now. I've been without an alcoholic drink for twenty-seven months next week, so hopefully, I'm less selfish. I can only imagine that a relationship without my drinking would have to be infinitely better than relationships with. I've also done a lot of growing up in the passed two years. Desires to go out all the time because I was afraid I was going to miss something social have become far fewer. And socializing has become a much more productive activity. Now, I like to attend functions rather than see what's going on in the back-room of a dingy club. I guess I've gotten more than a few things out of my system.

Anyway, the real story lies in the activities of this passed weekend. M had been spending the week in Quitman, GA, which is just west of Valdosta, and about eight miles north of the Florida border. He was making some extra cash at his friends' antique store, and he asked me to visit for the weekend. I got off to a late start on Saturday, but I had just bought new tires in preparation, so I was speeding along I-75 at warp speed. I met them at a Mardi-Gras party at this tiny Cajun bar/restaurant in the middle of nowhere a mile north of Florida. The people were very sweet, however, we refrained from any public displays of affection. We smoked, ate, and drank (diet Coke for me), and then we went to this place called, Rascals. For as long as I live, I'll never forget Rascals. The only way I can describe it accurately is it was like a modern-day skinhead party with more hair, less hate, and no gowns. Fortunately, we were travelling in a large group, so we were pretty safe among the white, Baptist, illiterate republicans. As I watched them dance to music I didn't know, I realized that all they had to do was meet us, and they'd be cool with us. They weren't hateful people; they knew what they knew because that's all they know! It was an eye-opening experience.

From there, we went to Charley O's, which was an old, Irish pub with a good band, and a more progressive crowd. They had a couple of hot bartenders who served as very nice eye-candy. We chilled there for a bit, but M & I were getting a little anxious for some "alone time." We took M's friend's house key and headed home. That night, for lack of a better term, M sealed the deal with me. I was ready for a relationship.

The next morning, M's friends took us to this very inexpensive soul food type restaurant. The food was amazing! I had heard of really excellent Southern cooking, and I think this was my first experience of exceptional Southern cooking. We ate like pigs, and then went home and napped. We awoke in a panic when we realized that we were not going to make it back to Atlanta by the beginning of the Oscars. But by that time, nothing else mattered. I wanted M to be my first boyfriend in two years, and in sobriety.

We had separate cars, so we followed each other on the way home. I made sure he knew that we'd stop at least once for coffee. He's well aware, by this time, of my addiction to coffee. But we also stopped to eat at a Hardee's, and as we both got out of our cars, I told him I was ready, and that I wanted him to be my boyfriend. We kissed in the parking lot, not caring about who might see. We then ate our hamburgers and fries with new-found excitement. When we got home, we watched the remainder of the Oscars, and I cried when Sean Penn won for "best actor" for Milk. What a great weekend!

The next few weeks will be interesting to say the least. M has decided to do some vegan cleansing ritual for the next 21 days. He can't smoke or drink, so I told him I might give him some room this week. I've learned from passed experience that a boyfriend without cigarettes is a complete bitch, so until we get together again, I'll be on this side of Atlanta, and M can stay on THAT side!