AC 2010

My Dear Friends,

We are now only 9 Days away from the 2010 Atlanta Cotillion, and I am reaching out to you for a final appeal for donations to help this incredibly worthy cause. The money collected by the debutantes goes directly to AID Atlanta, an organization that helps our own community, by providing life-saving medication for those living with HIV.

My great friend, Julio Leyva, has gone above and beyond this summer by hosting SIX fundraisers, all very successful! Not only has he surpassed my 2009 total, but he has also tapped into the community with his gentle, friendly demeanor. He has reached out to people within the gay community who have never heard of the Cotillion, and all the good it does. His efforts to educate people throughout our diverse city have been nothing short of fearless. I am honored to be escorting him to the Atlanta Cotillion this year.

Despite his successes, he still needs help in these final few days, so please don't wait! Contribute TODAY!!

Please help in one of two ways:

• Visit Julio's Cotillion page and make a donation of ANY amount. All donations are appreciated, especially in these difficult financial times;
• Come with us to the Ball itself on September 18th! I promise you will have the time of your life! Seats at the Ball are $150/person, unless you attend in an evening gown; the price then drops to $75/person.

Follow this link to make a donation or to purchase seats (don't forget to choose Julio as your deb):

http://www.atlantacotillion.com/Page.aspx?pid=402&frsid=17399

Please feel free to contact me should you have any trouble with the Cotillion website, or if you have any questions about Cotillion.

From the bottom of my heart, Thank you!!

--
Kevin L. Malin

Cotillion Class of '09
www.KevinMalin.net

(404) 245-1324 cell
(404) 601-7833 fax

Tempting Debauchery in Pensacola . . . but I've Gotta Be Good!!

Everything seemed to be happening all at once! I started my new job last Tuesday, and by Thursday morning, I was heading to Pensacola with a bunch of friends! I knew that it was going to be a weekend of underwear parties, drunkenness, sand, and sex. But I was exhausted from getting up at 6:45 am for my new career as an employment consultant in downtown Atlanta. So, I loaded up on coffee at Waffle House by the time zone boundary in Alabama, as we headed toward our beach destination.

I was so excited! The only time I had ever been to Pensacola during Memorial Weekend was just after a terrible hurricane hit the region a few years ago. I was with Jeremy, and we were pretty much alone on the beach that weekend. So, this would be my first time experiencing the throngs of gay men on the beach in their tiny speedos, showing each other their d!@ks for shots. As if that weren't enough, my friends and I were staying at the Portofino Island Resort, a.k.a. Gay Ground Zero. I think I was receiving underwear party invites on Facebook before the weekend even began, and of course, my friends expected me to act as Cruise Director. Good thing I brought my laptop. My flimsy LG Xenon wouldn't have handled the data usage this weekend would require.

We got to the hotel, and I must say, it was spectacular. Our 2 bed/2.5 bath condo on the twelfth floor of one of five towers was beautifully furnished, and surprisingly large enough for six. We dropped our things and went to Crabs for dinner, and just watched as the gaggles of gayness came filing in after a long drive from all parts of the South. It really was a total gay-takeover of a small beach community. The restaurants were flying our flag, and the hotels and guest houses were 90% pink.

And the next day at the beach . . . OMG!! I've never seen so much scantily-clad eye candy. Yikes! I thought I might "behave" myself this weekend because of my new job, which is going really well, by the way. I didn't want to go back to work more exhausted than when I left. I was not only going to have a fabulous weekend, but I was also going to get some much needed rest! So, I slept in most days. I didn't feel bad about it. I'd get up around 11:30 am and hit the gym, and then drive to the beach (when the early folks are just beginning to leave), and snag a rock-star parking spot. The boys DID look yummy in their gay Aussie-bums. It was fun walking along the beach saying Hi to the ATL boys, and getting checked-out by the boys from Dallas or New Orleans. Never was I more grateful for my last two-years of regular fitness.

So, both nights, Thursday & Friday, we planned on starting at underwear parties, and then going to other parties at the Portofino. And BOTH NIGHTS, the underwear parties were broken up by security and police. Noise complaints were coming from breeders in the hotel. We went to parties both night, but because we missed out on the underwear fun, we decided to go to Saturday night's underwear party when it began. So, of course, we were the first dweebs there! But no matter; the penthouse filled quickly with a party of half-naked twinkies. I mostly "hung-out" with a few of my Atlanta boys, but I also met several new faces.

Security swiftly broke up that party as well, and many of us were getting a little annoyed that a resort facing the probability of a well-oiled beach in its near future would treat the gays with hostility. As the weekend progressed, the boys continued to party hard, and the police presence grew. Cop cars positioned themselves throughout the resort's drive-ways, as if the terror level had been raised to fuchsia, and we were on the brink of an all-out, thousand-man orgy.

Speaking of which, with all of that latent sexual energy lighting up the night sky in the form of a distant storm, I, Kevin Logan Malin, did NOT get laid all weekend! And it wasn't for not trying. I'm sure there will soon be photos on Facebook of me in this tiny, revealing yellow number I borrowed from a friend. Why do I gravitate to YELLOW?

On Sunday night, I escaped the beach for downtown Pensacola to visit Emerald City, the local gay club. I got there just after midnight, so the place was hoppin' when I walked in. They played some good music, had a drag show, and a dance contest. It ended up being a great way to finish up the weekend.

The next day, after only four hours of sleep, we piled back into the Rodeo and headed for home. It was an awesome experience, to say the least, and I'm already looking forward to next year!!

I'm Thrown a Curve-ball . . .

So, I'm going to talk about work for a minute . . . try not to get bored.

Last Monday, my boss told me the very unfortunate news that the on-site agents will experience a base salary pay-cut of a substantial amount. No, I didn't fall to pieces, but I did get scared considering I haven't sold a home recently. The market has shown some growth, but with this news, things were about to get ugly.

I knew what I had to do, but the thought of looking for a new job in this economy was not only daunting, but finding new employment seemed like it would be next-to-impossible. When I thought of the many friends who have been looking for work for the passed several months, I wondered what more I could do to stand out and get noticed.

That night, I started editing my resume, which I hadn't touched in a year. In the passed few years, thanks to quitting drinking, I've become more confident and less afraid to assert my qualifications and interests. It's really the only way to get ahead. Confidence and self-esteem are so important, and although I still have lots of work to do in that department, I thought I composed a fairly good resume and cover letter. On a side-note, if you're applying for jobs at the moment, get someone to convert your resume from a Word document to a PDF file because you never know how a Word doc is going to open on someone else's computer. A good friend gave me that advice.

I started letting close friends know that I was seriously looking for a new job. I gave them a general job description, and mentioned that if they hear of anything to please let me know. Within about a week, I probably applied for about 75 online job postings. I tried to take the time to personalize each one. I spent my nights at home in front of the TV while sending out resumes. In fact, I'm itching to go out and have some fun!

Anyway, I started to receive several phone calls, and many emails. I've noticed that there are lots of job scams out there online. I feel that if an employer can't pick up the phone and call me, there has got to be something shady going on. And I think it's awful that there are people out there praying on the many unemployed, honest people out there.

I received a call on Friday about an account executive position. I called back, and this polite, eloquent gentleman in New York answered and described his company and the position. The new account manager would be responsible for matching job-seekers with their clients, large companies and the government. They were looking for someone with a sales background who tends to also be socially-conscious. The job-seekers are people who may have less-than desirable histories or backgrounds. I know this may sound crazy, but this may be the challenge I've been hoping for! I was phone-interviewed twice yesterday (Monday), and then I met with a New York executive, along with the Atlanta manager this morning. Once my references checked out this afternoon, I was offered the position! It all happened soooooooooo fast!!!

So, here I am, sitting at home, ready to watch American Idol and stuff my face with something fattening. But the out-of-control celebrating won't end there . . . my friends and I are planning to meet at Swinging Richard's tonight for some good, old-fashioned lap-dances. One of the most exciting things about all this is that I will now have weekends off!! Wow! This is kind of how I envisioned things: a good, steady 9-to-5, and the occasional real estate deal on the weekends. The End.

Easter . . . Postponed

This passed weekend was filled with fun, gay things to do in Atlanta: Frank Buda's annual Easter Bonnet Party was attended by many Cotillion friends, and the Armorettes held their annual Easter Drag Races in the Blake's parking lot. I saw some photos taken by Project Q, and it looked like plenty of shirtless boys were out and about enjoying the suddenly summer-like weather we were experiencing after a rough and long winter.

I was stuck at the airport for much of the weekend trying to catch a flight to Westchester, NY, to visit my family for Easter. I missed out on the fun a few miles away in Midtown.

A few months ago, I noticed that the airfare to New York was climbing, and during holiday weekends, the prices usually spike. So, I called on a friend at Air Tran who I competed against in last year's Atlanta Cotillion, and got hold of a buddy-pass. I guess I didn't think Easter weekend would be as busy as it was, so unfortunately for me, flights up and down the East Coast were booked solid. Instead of partying with friends on my first Sunday off this year, I was stuck at the airport, trying to get on any flight to the NYC region or Boston.

It was my own fault. Of course people would be travelling to see their families. I was upset, sad, and depressed. My family was disappointed, and several of my friends were looking forward to spending time with me, including a friend I recently reconnected with thanks to Facebook who I hadn't spoken to since just after high school. I was eagerly looking forward to catching up with him; a few years ago, he came out of the closet.

Rescheduling everything, including a visit to the Late Show with David Letterman, proved to be simple enough. My boss was flexible, and I let my family know I'd come in two weeks instead. But I was still feeling hungry, angry, lonely, & tired (HALT, in recovery terms), so I decided I needed a meeting. I went to the 1:30 pm Tuesday meeting at NABA, and it was exactly what I needed! I hadn't been to a meeting since January (tisk, tisk), and I know from being in the rooms that maybe I was closer to drinking than I realized. This particular meeting "reset" my spirit, and I was feeling grateful to have a family who looks forward to my visits. I also felt very fortunate to have plently of friends here in Atlanta, and in the NYC area. The new-found humility and gratitude I felt was profound. I briefly felt bad for wallowing in my own pity, but if I don't persevere through self-pity, I get down and depressed. I feel like the world owes me something; that the occurrences of the weekend made me a victim, even though nothing catastrophic happened. My disease looks for these excuses to escape into self-pity, and once I do, I want to change the way I feel with alcohol. Wouldn't it be great to get drunk and forget about my responsibilities? Couldn't I just take off somewhere and indulge?

The effects of drinking after three years would be catastrophic, however. Not only would I have a seriously painful hangover, but the disappointment my family, friends, and I would feel would really set things back.

The last few days have brought about a much-needed positive shift in my attitude. After the meeting, I went to the gym and worked out hard. I continue my almost-daily workouts because it frees me of pent-up aggression, and I always feel good about myself afterwards. Not to mention, speedo season is practically upon us!

Last night, I stayed up late to watch The Buddha on PBS. What an amazing and inspiring story! And what perfect timing! I learned about how Buddhists believe that the unhappiness humans often experience are the makings of the ego. Our own minds create the hell we can sometimes live in. It was all very much in accord with Ekhart Tolle's teachings, so I was on the edge of my seat for the program's entirety. I feel a bit more enlightened today. And I loved the way it ended: someone asked the Buddha who he was. His answer: the One who woke up.

This isn't about us . . .

It’s a beautiful day to have the day off, and I’m doing some stuff around the house in preparation for my Easter trip to New York this weekend. I’m listening to Ricky Martin’s greatest hits as a celebratory gesture of his coming out of the closet yesterday. Some of the new songs I haven’t heard, mainly because my Spanish sucks, and he hasn’t done any English songs in a while.

As I was reading the coverage of his announcement, I noticed that many wrote about how this would have been significant had he come out when he was ‘big,’ like back in the ‘90s. Yes, many of us already suspected his true sexual preference, and yes he hasn’t been in the (American) public eye lately, but what we don’t see is that he’s been creating beautiful Spanish music all along.

The fact is this is enormously significant to gay Latinos all over the world. In fact, it’s a HUGE victory for gay people in Ricky’s native Puerto Rico, and for gays all over Latin America, especially since Latinos typically grow up in homophobic homes, with fewer, if any, role models. They look to openly-gay Americans and Europeans for inspiration to come out of the closet in their more hostile family and work environments.

This past November, I went to Puerto Rico to celebrate my birthday with a few close friends. While we were vacationing in San Juan, on another part of the island that same weekend, a gay male teenager was savagely murdered for being gay.

Several years back, I attended my cousin’s wedding in El Salvador, where the minister spoke out against gay marriage during the service. I had gotten married in Massachusetts the year prior, and as I squirmed in my seat, I was deeply offended and personally hurt that the minister would turn my cousin’s wedding into a political statement for his hateful agenda.

Last year, two men were legally married in Argentina, only to be stripped of their legal status when a judge overturned the decision.

Latin America has a long way to go in regard to civil rights, so, you may not be a big Ricky fan like me, but please join me in celebrating his courageous move. Gay Latinos everywhere now have a respectable, talented, clean-cut, handsome role model who will surely inspire others to live openly and honestly. Not to mention, his kids will grow up with a Dad they can admire.

LOVE ON THE ROCKS is going to be GREAT this year!

On Sunday of this week, I travelled up to Sandy Springs to meet with a REALTOR I'll be covering for in the next few days as he relocates his family to the Atlanta area. I'm very happy to help, and as a result we got to talking. He mentioned that he found my contact info on Facebook, and as he did, he noticed that I write very well. It was a sweet thing to say, and it was a reminder to myself that life rewards me in unexpected ways when I follow-through with my well-meaning intentions. It also reminded me that I have this blog I've been neglecting for the passed few months.

Since the Atlanta Cotillion ended last September, I've been out of the spotlight, and I've been enjoying it. I haven't had exciting things to blog about or upcoming events to promote. My life has been quiet, for a change. In the old days of drinking, my life was a constant roller-coaster ride that I reluctantly stepped off of. But the excitement didn't end because a new life was just beginning. Sobriety was exciting, and my new recovery friends were traversing sobriety with me.

In August of 2008, I decided it was time to take on a new cause: the Atlanta Cotillion, a long-term fundraising commitment that was extremely rewarding. The 2009 Class raised a combined $120,000 for those living with HIV/AIDS. Not only was it an amazing experience, it was also a lot of fun, and I made lots of great new friends along the way. It solidified the fact that Atlanta, Georgia was indeed my home.

It's been several months now, and we're well into 2010. Work is slow, and I'm getting a little restless. There are only so many nights I can come home from the gym and lie on my sofa, only to end up in a fit of tears while watching the latest episode of Intervention. I know I'll be involved in the Cotillion this year as I help my daughter, Julio, prepare for his campaign, but my involvement will be limited to an advisory role. So, I'm asking myself the question, What do I want 2010 to be?

One of my favorite causes here in Atlanta is Joining Hearts, a series of parties thrown throughout the year that also benefits agencies that help people with HIV. Their big summer party is one of my favorites in Atlanta. Thousands of gay men descend upon Piedmont Park's beautiful pool and party with a world-class DJ while sipping Grey Goose martinis under a fireworks-filled sky. What better way to spend a sultry July evening! I decided to attend their informational meeting last week to find out more about volunteering. We met at No Mas Cantina, a Mexican restaurant conveniently close to my beautiful new home in Grant Park. My anxiety subsided as I was greeted by many familiar faces. We learned about an exciting upcoming party for Valentine's Day, Love on the Rocks, which I attended last year with a date I shouldn't have gone with. First, he turned out to be a jerk, and second, he didn't want to stay at the party more than twenty minutes. I remember enjoying the delicious array of desserts that were scattered about the event space. Campy drag queens provided some hilarious entertainment. It's a party heavily attended by single gay men, and since my single status hasn't changed since the end of my marriage three years ago, I'm ready to mingle! Luckily in Atlanta's gay community, philanthropy and pleasure go hand-in-hand.

This year's event will be a memorable one, complete with gourmet bites and chocolates by Bridge Catering, drinks by Grey Goose, and Love on the Rocks Heartthrobs! Maybe I'll meet a heartthrob of my own!

Excerpt from The Power of Now, by Ekhart Tolle

"As long as the egoic mind is running your life, you cannot truly be at ease; you cannot be at peace or fulfilled except for brief intervals when you obtained what you wanted, when a craving has just been fulfilled. Since the ego is a derived sense of self, it needs to identify with external things. It needs to be both defended and fed constantly. The most common ego identifications have to do with possessions, the work you do, social status and recognition, knowledge and education, physical appearance, special abilities, relationships, personal and family history, belief systems, and often also political, nationalistic, racial, religious, and other collective identifications. None of these is you."