Michael Jackson Reaction to Elizabeth Taylor's Passing

"How in the HELL did I get here before YOU DID?????

Neverland Ranch Times exclusive, Kevin Malin

Synchronicity . . .

If you've read The Celestine Prophecy, you are familiar with this term. As we move away from our egos which trap us up in our heads, we begin to notice more and more, that occurrences in our daily lives involve "coincidences" with other people. For example, a feeling may be accompanied by the meeting of a new person in my life; I am meeting this person for a reason, possibly. After all, many of us, more and more, are believing that everything happens for a reason. So, the book explains that we must be aware of the present moment so that we can notice and respond to these feelings. The more we are aware, the more synchronicity will help us in our decision-making.

Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events, that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, that are observed to occur together in a meaningful manner. The concept of synchronicity was first described by Swiss psychologist Carl Gustav Jung in the 1920s.^[1]

I felt prompted to write in my blog about several things that have happened within the passed week that have helped me put life in a better perspective. As many of you know, I recently went through a difficult time because of things that happened in December and January. But they were only difficult for me because I forgot many of the lessons I've learned from spirituality. At Christmas, I lost a job I enjoyed very much; and two days later, I skidded on black ice while driving, and totaled my car. A month later, my replacement car broke down, and I've been without a car since. As these things happened, I immediately labelled them as "bad." These things shouldn't have happened to me, and I felt a strong sense of self-pity. I allowed that to spread to my family and friends. My ego grew in strength, and I gave off negative vibes. I had a sense that I was handling things wrong, so I withdrew and isolated myself from the world.

Individually, those who care about me wanted me to attend a meeting. Each time, I dismissed the idea because I was no longer in the program. To hear what my friends were saying bruised my ego, and the pain kept me in isolation. I dove headfirst into my favorite book, A New Earth, by Ekhart Tolle, and resolved to go it on my own. Tolle teaches that "Nonresistance, nonjudgement, and nonattachment are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living." I realize now that nonjudgement not only refers to how I treat others, but it also refers to how I respond to situations that my ego wants me to label as "bad." There is a reason why we like the saying, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." Suffering may not be fun, but it certainly does benefit me.

Within the passed week, three things have happened and are still happening that has allowed me to change my view: my dreams have become exceptionally vivid and detailed; a friend of the family's who is visiting us from New York this week has renewed my interest in The Celestine Prophecy; and a friend in distress asked me to take him to a meeting. Coincidences? Definitely not.

The dream:

An election takes place, and the newly elected governor is accused of using a stolen identity to win the race. The stolen identity is that of mine. Suddenly, I am the new governor of the state of Georgia. As I walk into a government building in downtown Atlanta, I realize this is my greatest opportunity to do some much-needed good for the people of this state, and to have an influence on the region in its entirety. But can I do it? Two things convince me that I can: my passion for politics; and something a highly-successful fashion designer once told me when I worked for him in the '90s: "Surround yourself with talented people."

I noticed that the staff and cabinet of the former governor had very little respect for the office, because it had been held by power-hungry republicans who couldn't care less about the lower-class and minorities. I fired most of them, and replaced them with real-life friends who would become my chief of staff (my ex, Jeremy), attorney general (Stacey), and secretary of state (JP). I can't remember the other appointments I made, but I do remember that I hired my friend, Jeffrey, to redecorate my offices because they were hideous!

The Celestine Prophecy claims that dreams have important meaning; so did Freud and others. If you can help me with the meaning of this dream, or maybe just why it is so vivid and clear, I would certainly appreciate it. Should I be forming an exploratory committee??? (LOL!)

Anyway, my new friend, Patricia, is visiting Billy and Margot here in Atlanta, and the other night, I was looking through old DVDs for something that we could all watch. And what did I come across? The Celestine Prophecy! When I first watched the movie version of the book I read over ten years ago, I remember thinking that it fell short of the book, and I was reluctant to suggest it to them. But the four of us had a continuous conversation going about spirituality, so the other night, we watched it. The protagonist is played by one of the actors who is now on Gossip Girl, except he is more youthful and handsome. Coincidence? Maybe that one is. ;-)

Patricia also read The Celestine Prophecy, but far more recently than I did. We bonded over it, and the movie reminded me of all the amazing things that were explained in the book, such as synchronicity. I also realized that James Redfield's teaching are parallel to those of Ekhart Tolle's. I cannot leave out the part of the prophecy that says human consciousness will change during the early years of this new century. And Tolle's A New Earth says that human consciousness MUST change if the human race has any chance of survival. Other respected prophets, such as Edgar Cayce, Nostrodamus, and the Mayans (to name only a few), have also predicted change to come in the years we are living in now. According to the Mayans, the world will experience a change that culminates on December 21, 2012. Devastation and political upheaval are predicted to occur just before the end of the calendar on that date. Japan just suffered one of the worst earthquakes and tsunamis in recorded history, and devastation and political upheaval have occurred throughout the world very recently.

I finally went to a meeting last night for the first time in a year, only because a friend asked me to take him. The details of his identity and issue are bound by the anonymity of the program, but I can describe the feeling I felt during the meeting. Several influential people were at the clubhouse that night, and I felt a sense of inclusion that I hadn't felt for a while. I wanted to be there, even though my intention was not to seek help myself. It was a feeling of goodness that almost moved me to tears. The friend who asked me for help may have, in fact, helped me more than I helped him. Coincidence?

My Fight with XM 22

Incident date/time: October 14th @ 7pm

Dear GLAAD:

I was recently listening to XM 22, a radio station heard nationwide, as two female DJs spoke out against the most recent episode of GLEE, which featured two "straight" girls intimately close in the beginning of the episode. One DJ had not seen the episode, and the other had. They had an issue with the experimentation that could possibly influence their children to "experiment" with the same sex. They said it was unnatural, and that they would not allow their kids to continue to watch the popular, prime-time show. They wanted callers to voice their opinions, and I called immediately.

The first caller was a lesbian who said that she couldn't understand why they were upset. The DJs then changed their argument to say that they didn't agree that lesbians were being exploited. The woman-caller said she is a lesbian, and that she did not feel as though the show was exploiting lesbians.

The call ended calmly, and they then put me on the air. I told them that with the recent suicides, they are sending the wrong message to kids who may be gay and to those who are being bullied. Again, they said they didn't want to see lesbians being exploited. I told them that the show does not exploit gays and lesbians, but that their comments that the show went too far by showing two girls in an intimate setting is confusing to kids who are questioning their sexuality. By saying two same-sex kids experimenting is unnatural is conveying the message that being gay is unnatural. I told them that being gay is a natural AND good thing, and that kids who are confused should be okay with either outcome. They again said that they don't want their kids to see two straight people experimenting with being gay. I said, kids WILL experiment, whether it is with someone of the same sex or the opposite sex. One DJ said, "I never experimented!" I said, "Yes, you did! With a man! That was how you knew you're heterosexual!"

At that point, a producer came on the air to defend the two DJs by saying, "This is a matter of what is appropriate and inappropriate for a 'family show.'" I said, "the show comes on at 8pm; it is considered a prime-time slot. Also, Glee is not going to influence any student to experiment in either way. Kids will do what they do anyway. They are not easily swayed by television."

They cut me off, and went to commercial. Afterwards, I thought to myself, "three against one; wasn't THAT just a form of bullying??"

--

Kevin L. Malin

Atlanta, GA

My Life Now

It is now the middle of October, and much has happened in the past few months. I secured my position within the Tyler Perry empire in the second half of August, worked my ass off in September, and Atlanta Gay Pride was this past weekend.

I left off complaining about my previous living situation where two of my three roommates were gossiping about me. I won't rehash; you'll have to read the previous posts. However, I will mention that I recently found out that the owner of the house would periodically ask my good friends, who would visit me at home, if they were sleeping with me. Disgusting!!

Moving on: many of my friends and acquaintances want to know exactly how I got a job with Tyler Perry. The sensitivity surrounding this accomplishment doesn't allow me to divulge much, however, I will tell you what I can.

In mid-August, I quit my previous job as employment consultant in downtown ATL. I was unhappy, uncomfortable, and too inexperienced to continue to find work for welfare moms. It was actually a worthwhile learning experience, and it taught me how to be more aggressive when looking for work for myself. Before I quit, I started sending out my resume to employers, but I remained unemployed for about three weeks. In the meantime, I brokered a couple of successful real estate deals which kept me afloat financially. At the same time, my brother, Bill, moved to Atlanta, and we found an apartment which we moved into over Labor Day Weekend. Toward the end of my unemployment, I started to get desperate. It's a tough job market out there, and I was starting to panic. I found job postings on many of the websites I used at my previous job, but I also looked at Craigslist daily. I noticed a cryptic posting for an office assistant, but there was no company info. I sent my cover letter/resume, and an hour later (at 9pm), I received a phone call from Tyler Perry Studios. I was a little shocked, and when they asked me to come to the studios the next day, I wanted to say, "SERIOUSLY????" The interview was quick; I got the impression they wanted to hire me on the spot. But my future boss said, "go get lunch; I'm going to mull this over. Call me in an hour, but stay in the area."

As I walked into the Greenbriar IHOP, an excited and optimistic energy left my body and touched the people I came in contact with. I couldn't stop smiling. After a brief phone call to my now-boss, I returned to the studios. This meeting was also brief, and I returned home beaming. I told Bill that if my phone rang, all noise within the vicinity must cease. At 8pm, I received the call . . . and I got the job! They liked my education, my modelling and real estate experience, and they felt that I could represent Mr. Perry best out of all the candidates who interviewed.

That was a Friday night, so naturally, I went out all weekend and celebrated with my close friends. That Monday, the long hours, the stress, and the excitement began. The first week was full of lots of travelling around Atlanta and meeting the many people who make his movies and TV shows possible. I visited his homes, the airport he uses, and the places I needed to be acquainted with as part of my new job. In a nutshell, I represent Mr. Perry in day-to-day situations that he is too busy to handle. The exciting part is that wherever I go while working, I'm treated like a rock-star, and by-standers constantly try to figure out who I am. Don't worry; none of this has gone to my head. In fact, I treat people with more respect now. I'm constantly reminded that I am only representing a celebrity, that I am not one myself. Instead, it's a humbling experience, and I'm amazed that these experiences enter my life to teach me a lesson. Everything happens for a reason, and I'm delighted that this is my life now.

Shortly after I started, I cancelled my trip to Southern Decadence, New Orleans for Labor Day Weekend so that I could move in with Bill. We moved to a cheap, slightly cramped 2/2 apartment by Peachtree-DeKalb Airport for the purpose of saving money to get a new car next year. (I also desperately needed to remove myself from the drama of my previous home.) At some point during our new lease, Bill's wife, Margot, and their 2 yr. old, Nicole, will join us in Atlanta. They are temporarily living with my Dad in New York until they move. I'm so excited to be living with family for the first time in 16 years! Especially since I've been single for most of my five years in Atlanta.

But I'm not bitter! I received tons of appreciated attention when I attended the 2010 Atlanta Cotillion on September 18th as Julio Leyva's escort. Yes, I went in a tux, for a change. I was so proud of Julio for the great job he did fundraising all summer. He is a hero in my eyes!

But the fun didn't stop there! Last weekend was Atlanta's Gay Pride festival and parade, and two of my dear friends from Boston spent the weekend here. We had so much fun running around, seeing so many people I hadn't seen since starting my new job, and going to the packed events, that we didn't get to everything. I was supposed to march in the parade with the Cotillion clan, but at the last minute, I had to drive a friend to the airport, and then go to work for a couple of hours. I just keep telling myself that I LOVE MY JOB!

Drinks at Work??

I thought I had landed the perfect job when I started as an account executive with a company in downtown Atlanta at the end of May. My task was to find work for uneducated, inexperienced, single mothers who accepted government assistance. They were required to participate in our program, and Fulton and Dekalb Counties commissioned us to find them minimum wage positions so that they could more quickly move from accepting welfare to being self-sufficient. As I accepted the position that many vied for, I thought to myself,

"My writing is good, and I know how to assemble a resume. My phone etiquette is good, so I can be persuasive when speaking with employers. If a client gives me attitude when I instruct them on how to job search, I can give it right back."

I was convinced that if anyone could do this, I could. This confidence was exactly what I needed to start. My boss liked me, my co-workers liked me, and everyone thought I was going to do quite well. I enjoyed going to work, and the clients were genuinely appreciative when I gave them advice and job leads. The employers were a bit cold to me at first, but I worked on building rapport. I was on the phone looking for jobs, and I was building confidence in my clients. I went to networking events and looked for jobs. I sent my clients out every day to look for jobs with employers I had gotten to know. But there were several things that I neglected to consider.

One was the same thing I didn't think of when I decided to do the Atlanta Cotillion last year. How many contacts can I really call upon after only four short years of living in Atlanta? Could I seriously call upon my friends and ask them if they know of anyone hiring, when half of Atlanta was looking for a job? I persevered, and I succeeded in finding many low wage jobs at restaurants, hotels, in offices, etc. The second thing I didn't think about was, just because I found a job for someone doesn't mean they're going to get hired. Huge gaps in employment, no experience at all, or a serious criminal record hindered my clients, and I began to get discouraged. My persuasive selling techniques were failing, and I was falling short of my quota.

Then something unexpected happened. An account executive who was out on medical leave for many months returned to the company after having beaten cancer. He was an incredibly personable guy, and he was originally from Boston. He had the accent that I thought I hated, but when he spoke, leaving out his r's, I melted a bit. I fell for his charm, and soon we were drinking together.

As I became more and more discouraged with my lack of progress, I began to also experience the insomnia that had developed in my final years of drinking. He encouraged me to drink before bedtime, but I said I couldn't do that. That I didn't want to go down that road. I didn't feel it was appropriate to reveal my alcoholic status to my co-workers, especially since I was beginning to feel as though I wasn't cut out for the job.

I started to call in sick on Monday's after Sunday Funday at Blake's. I felt like a failure. I'd go into work as though I had my head down. I was ashamed.

I looked for a new job, but without finding one, I quit in mid-August. A weight lifted from my shoulders. I was fairly confident that I could find one that was not in employment. I hoped for a real estate job again.

Around the same time, I convinced my brother, Billy, in Connecticut, to move to Atlanta. I knew his IT skills were superior to most in Atlanta. He came down and stayed in my extra room for a couple of weeks. It was so nice to be around family again. I communicated with my roommates about his stay in advance and gave them updates as we spent time together touring his new city.

Unfortunately, a couple of my roommates were more interested, not in my brother's stay, but in a nasty, untrue rumor that, not only was I drinking again, but I was also doing drugs. Drugs were never my thing. My drug of choice, and my downfall, had always been alcohol. I am an alcoholic of an extreme case, however, I am NOT a drug addict. Many times, I had heard in the program that they are one and the same. This is not the case. Alcohol works on the alcoholic over time, convincing him that he can handle more. Drugs take the addict down FAST. But I want to make it very clear that I am not saying one is worse than the other. We are all equal; addicts, alcoholics, and our friends, the normal people. If my life went in a different direction, I could have been a drug addict AND an alcoholic.

The Big Book is the end-all for many. It certainly was my "bible" for over a year. I read it, and re-read it, from cover to cover. But for me, it was my launch-pad. I really knew nothing about true spirituality, so I started reading the books of Ekhart Tolle, my present spiritual guidance. I also ventured into Buddhism and Scientology. In college, I studied medieval philosophy, which is essentially Catholicism, and I had had enough of that. I heard many times in AA meetings, "AA doesn't have the patent on spirituality." But then, why do so many stay within the safe confines of the program? Is thinking too dangerous for us?

Anyway, back to the story. I began to get frantic phone calls from genuinely concerned friends. I say it that way because there is a difference between concern and gossip. I could hear in each of their voices, whether they were wondering if they needed to talk to me, or if they selfishly wanted to verify the dirt they discovered. I parted ways with my roommate, who I used to trust and consider a friend, after I found out that an ex of his entered the house while I was out of town with a key he still had, entered my bedroom, and spread crystal meth across my coffee table. I didn't know what it was and thought nothing of it. I cleaned it up and threw it out, but I still wondered what that stuff was. I didn't bring drama to our house, but my roommate and his trashy boyfriends certainly did.

I end this post on a bitter note, but with a promise to my audience that the good news comes shortly thereafter. If I've kept you interested to this point, please hold on until the next chapter. Just as my last post, I had to get this off my chest.

Pensacola . . . the Untold Story

This summer has been tough, to say the least. And when I say things never turn out the way they're expected to, the passed few months have been no exception. Despite the difficult times in my life which have definitely made me stronger, this summer will be one to remember; one that tested my strength, and one that will never let me forget that I'm only human.

As I wrote in an earlier post, Memorial Day was a hoot. However, probably the most significant event throughout the entire weekend was my relapse, which, of course, I intentionally left out. I was scared, ashamed, but defiant. It happened the night before Memorial Day. I had been in Pensacola for four days at this point, and the next day, we were going to drive home. I was in my car driving through a rainstorm alone, trying to find a place to eat. I was staying with a bunch of friends, some in the program, and some not.

I had been sober for three and a half years.

I drove around for over an hour, not because I couldn't find a place to eat, but because I was trying to talk myself into having a drink. I had earned it, I thought. Not only had I turned my life around, but I had also matured to the 34 year old who had just landed a new job in only seven days. I had been working out for two years, and I had become the person I always wanted to be. I was loved and admired by so many, and I had succeeded in seeing a monumental project through from start to finish: the Atlanta Cotillion. I had money of my own, I was travelling, and I had friends and family I loved.

I realized as I drove that it was midnight, and the partying would only last for a few more hours. I grabbed fast food, and headed to Emerald City alone. All weekend, I was surrounded by beautiful, scantily clad boys. Although I knew many of those from Atlanta, and I was making new friends, I felt totally alone. I arrived at the club, quickly said "Hi" to some people I knew, but I was acting as though I was looking for someone. I was looking for a bar that had no Atlantans around it, so that I could order a drink. The decision was made long before, and my mind was made up. As I ordered my drink, I could barely believe I heard those words leave my mouth. It was done; I took my first sip as if I were drinking some sort of poison. I was scared because I had no idea how it would affect me. Would I be drunk off the first drink? I was slightly panicked. The first one was weak, but my alcoholism kicked in. I needed to find a male bartender in another secluded bar to make me a good drink. I got what I wanted, and then went and danced with my friends. The club was packed, so I spent the rest of the night socializing. After hanging out for a while, I went back to the hotel and went to bed.

I need to get this off my chest, partly because the drinking didn't end here, and I now realize the entire summer may take several posts. Also, a few months after drinking openly and honestly, the rumors began that I was also doing drugs, a myth that hurt my feelings, and I developed a resentment toward the gay recovery community. I consider myself an open book; someone who lives a somewhat private life, but also someone who is honest. As I continued to drink, so did the gossip. And ultimately, I realized, I was headed right back to where I started on 12/04/06, my (former) sobriety date.

"Never regret. If it's good, it's wonderful. If it's bad, it's experience." - Victoria Holt

AC 2010

My Dear Friends,

We are now only 9 Days away from the 2010 Atlanta Cotillion, and I am reaching out to you for a final appeal for donations to help this incredibly worthy cause. The money collected by the debutantes goes directly to AID Atlanta, an organization that helps our own community, by providing life-saving medication for those living with HIV.

My great friend, Julio Leyva, has gone above and beyond this summer by hosting SIX fundraisers, all very successful! Not only has he surpassed my 2009 total, but he has also tapped into the community with his gentle, friendly demeanor. He has reached out to people within the gay community who have never heard of the Cotillion, and all the good it does. His efforts to educate people throughout our diverse city have been nothing short of fearless. I am honored to be escorting him to the Atlanta Cotillion this year.

Despite his successes, he still needs help in these final few days, so please don't wait! Contribute TODAY!!

Please help in one of two ways:

• Visit Julio's Cotillion page and make a donation of ANY amount. All donations are appreciated, especially in these difficult financial times;
• Come with us to the Ball itself on September 18th! I promise you will have the time of your life! Seats at the Ball are $150/person, unless you attend in an evening gown; the price then drops to $75/person.

Follow this link to make a donation or to purchase seats (don't forget to choose Julio as your deb):

http://www.atlantacotillion.com/Page.aspx?pid=402&frsid=17399

Please feel free to contact me should you have any trouble with the Cotillion website, or if you have any questions about Cotillion.

From the bottom of my heart, Thank you!!

--
Kevin L. Malin

Cotillion Class of '09
www.KevinMalin.net

(404) 245-1324 cell
(404) 601-7833 fax