At the Start of an Acting career

Now that I have discovered the appropriate expression of creativity for me, I believe acting will continue to be part of my life and recovery indefinitely.  I have mistakenly assumed that my mind is only of the analytical kind; that the most I could create is an analysis of what already exists; that my powers to critique are all I have.

But living in Los Angeles has given me new perspectives.  I have been given the chance to create characters from but a few lines or just a vague description.  I now see that creation and evolution are within me, as they are in all human beings.  In fact, being is all I need to understand going forward.

Life has blessed me with the extreme experiences that lend the actor a hand in the art of sympathy.  "No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we see that our experience can benefit others."  How would I have been able to enter the emotions of pain suffered by others had I not known pain and suffering myself?   How might I tell a story without experience?  It is as if the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in my own life are now the tools of a great storyteller.  The literatures and philosophies of college curriculum are now my arsenal of language, emotion, and reference.  My politics dictate the tone and message of the moral of the story.  My passions are unleashed as I enter the mind of the character, create a life and environs for him or her; and that passion is felt by the audience regardless of their own experiences.  Everything happened for a reason unknown to me for so long, but now, what I can and must do, is clear.  Why else would I enjoy this occupation as I do?  I finally want what sobriety and destiny had in store for me.  It took faith, patience, and lots of help to get to the point where my will aligns itself with the Universe.  It is a breathtaking view from where I now stand.  Thank you.

Why I've been Quiet

Summertime in Studio City

We've been in Los Angeles for just about three months now!  Time flies when you're busy!  I'm still in an adjustment period, and I have my ups-and-downs, but in general, I'm happy with our new home and new life.  Moving here didn't completely wipe the slate clean, and of course, I still have to find ways to cope with my anxiety and depression.  But there's so much hope here, and the infrastructure that makes up my routine is a recipe for success.  I'm not drinking (6 months!), and I have a loving boyfriend and a good job.  But there are lots of fun perks to living here, also.  For instance, we're constantly watching for celebrities.  Now that we live in the Thirty Mile Zone, Mike is obsessed with movie stars, singers, famous people, pre-famous people, etc, etc.  It was my idea to go on the TMZ Tour through Hollywood and Beverly Hills when Mike's friend, Shannon, came to visit for the weekend from Boston.  But it was Mike who nearly jumped off the bus when the tour-guide thought she spotted Adam Levine in traffic.  On another night, we were in Sur, a classy restaurant in WeHo when celebrity-owner Lisa Vanderpump came in to do a TV report.  Mike says I nearly bumped into her as I got up from our table.  And only a couple of weeks ago, Justin Beiber was pulled over by police in front of our apartment.

When Shannon was with us for that weekend, we had an excuse to do some touristy things, so we spent a hot Saturday at Universal Studios, which is conveniently located a block from our apartment.  They've built an amusement park based on Universal films, so we experienced King Kong and Jurassic Park as if we were there.  We also snapped a photo of the DeLorean from the Back to the Future movies.

Don't get me wrong, life isn't all glitz and glam now, but things are good.  We're in the process of planning a trip back East so we can see some family and friends in New England.  We're going to start in Connecticut and see my family, and then we'll spend a few days in MA/RI to see Mike's family, and then end up in Provincetown with our gay family before coming back to Studio City.

A Big Move!

Certainly, a lot has happened. And of course, nothing ever turns out the way I think it will. I have to live life as it comes at me because it is useless to try to predict where I will end up. I'm in a new city with a new boyfriend at a job that is only a little more than a year old. I try to refrain from labelling certain events as good or bad because they only appear to fall into categories. However, I find myself grateful for most of the things that have happened recently.

Last April, I started working for Landmark, headquartered in Los Angeles, and I began to dream about eventually making my way to the West Coast. I was never in love with Atlanta, and I could see myself starting over (again) in another city. Until it actually happened, I was worried about the challenges another big move would pose. But, never for a second, did I think I couldn't do it, or that I couldn't make new friends in California. There is a confidence and a resilience that lives deep within me that keeps me going.

Many times, I get in my own way of success, and I sabotage the results. I was drinking last year, and as a result, I created obstacles that almost kept me in Atlanta. I put an end to that on January 8th, when I began a new period of sobriety that has brought productivity, happiness, (and meetings) back into my life. Only a few days after I quit drinking, I was with friends at the Eagle when I was introduced to Mike. We immediately hit it off and started dating, putting an end to years of single-hood for both of us. He is one of the most considerate and thoughtful guys I've ever been romantically involved with. He listens carefully and does little favors for me that he knows improve my daily routine. He also has the prettiest blue eyes. In any case, he's a keeper, and he makes me very happy!

Mike and I visited Los Angeles as a couple in March, and we stayed at Erik's & Joey's in Studio City as we searched for our new home. Mike was sold on LA the day we arrived for our visit. He met my LA friends and co-workers, and we spent a week eating at the multitude of restaurants in the area and going out in West Hollywood. We found an apartment we liked and went back to Atlanta to get rid of our stuff and tie up loose ends. The details involved with moving are stressful enough, but on top of that I have two cats. I offered to give one away as a compromise to make the move go easier, but no one wants to adopt an adult cat, so I kept them together and made plans to bring them. Thank goodness, too, because I would have been an emotional mess without them both.

It didn't make much sense to travel across the continent with lots of stuff, so we "let go" of our material things in Atlanta and flew to LAX with just a few pieces of luggage. As Mike slept on our one-way Delta flight, I watched some TV and tried not to worry about the cats who were flying as checked-baggage. Needless to say, all four of us arrived safely at our new home, Archstone Apartments in Studio City, a neighborhood of LA. Archstone is known for housing many pre-famous stars, such as, Ashley Simpson and Paris Hilton. Because so many celebs live and hang out in Studio City, we both look forward to our first celebrity sighting. As President Obama made his way to George Clooney's house for a fundraiser this passed weekend, we snapped photos of Marine One flying overhead.

I had to report to work immediately, so Mike had the fun jobs of receiving boxes we shipped from Atlanta and of putting our new Ikea furniture together. He put so much work into setting up our new home that it looks fabulous now! We're even starting to feel like real Angelenos now that we've been here for two weeks. Today is Mike's birthday, so we were out and about all weekend in West Hollywood to celebrate. And tonight, we're trying one of Studio City's most popular restaurants, Firefly.

Don't get me wrong; I miss my East Coast friends dearly. In fact, I made so many lasting friendships in Atlanta, that it will always be a special place. Mike makes an impression wherever he goes, so our final night in Atlanta was bittersweet. We said goodbye to friends who were moved to tears by Mike's leaving. I'm sure we'll make an appearance back in Atlanta some time soon, but for now, the West Coast is ours to explore!

What's in a Name?

The principle of King Street Elementary School called for an assembly in the gym to engage the students in political dialogue at a young age just before the 1984 presidential election. I was a timid 8-year-old Democrat who was, more often than not, referred to as “Billy” because of my older brother’s and my twin-like resemblance. Everyone knew the Malin brothers, but I was an individual, with my own name, so I politely corrected teachers, students, and parents when this common mistake was made. The assembly was underway, and the principle turned to me for my opinion.

She said something like this, “Billy, who would you like to see win this election: Ronald Reagan and George Bush, or Walter Mondale and Geraldine Ferraro?”

As she spoke, I thought to myself, “I can’t believe she did it again!” My response was loud and clear. I said, “KEVIN!!!”

The entire school erupted with laughter while I thought to myself, “What’s so funny???”

Michael Jackson Reaction to Elizabeth Taylor's Passing

"How in the HELL did I get here before YOU DID?????

Neverland Ranch Times exclusive, Kevin Malin

Synchronicity . . .

If you've read The Celestine Prophecy, you are familiar with this term. As we move away from our egos which trap us up in our heads, we begin to notice more and more, that occurrences in our daily lives involve "coincidences" with other people. For example, a feeling may be accompanied by the meeting of a new person in my life; I am meeting this person for a reason, possibly. After all, many of us, more and more, are believing that everything happens for a reason. So, the book explains that we must be aware of the present moment so that we can notice and respond to these feelings. The more we are aware, the more synchronicity will help us in our decision-making.

Synchronicity is the experience of two or more events, that are apparently causally unrelated or unlikely to occur together by chance, that are observed to occur together in a meaningful manner. The concept of synchronicity was first described by Swiss psychologist Carl Gustav Jung in the 1920s.^[1]

I felt prompted to write in my blog about several things that have happened within the passed week that have helped me put life in a better perspective. As many of you know, I recently went through a difficult time because of things that happened in December and January. But they were only difficult for me because I forgot many of the lessons I've learned from spirituality. At Christmas, I lost a job I enjoyed very much; and two days later, I skidded on black ice while driving, and totaled my car. A month later, my replacement car broke down, and I've been without a car since. As these things happened, I immediately labelled them as "bad." These things shouldn't have happened to me, and I felt a strong sense of self-pity. I allowed that to spread to my family and friends. My ego grew in strength, and I gave off negative vibes. I had a sense that I was handling things wrong, so I withdrew and isolated myself from the world.

Individually, those who care about me wanted me to attend a meeting. Each time, I dismissed the idea because I was no longer in the program. To hear what my friends were saying bruised my ego, and the pain kept me in isolation. I dove headfirst into my favorite book, A New Earth, by Ekhart Tolle, and resolved to go it on my own. Tolle teaches that "Nonresistance, nonjudgement, and nonattachment are the three aspects of true freedom and enlightened living." I realize now that nonjudgement not only refers to how I treat others, but it also refers to how I respond to situations that my ego wants me to label as "bad." There is a reason why we like the saying, "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger." Suffering may not be fun, but it certainly does benefit me.

Within the passed week, three things have happened and are still happening that has allowed me to change my view: my dreams have become exceptionally vivid and detailed; a friend of the family's who is visiting us from New York this week has renewed my interest in The Celestine Prophecy; and a friend in distress asked me to take him to a meeting. Coincidences? Definitely not.

The dream:

An election takes place, and the newly elected governor is accused of using a stolen identity to win the race. The stolen identity is that of mine. Suddenly, I am the new governor of the state of Georgia. As I walk into a government building in downtown Atlanta, I realize this is my greatest opportunity to do some much-needed good for the people of this state, and to have an influence on the region in its entirety. But can I do it? Two things convince me that I can: my passion for politics; and something a highly-successful fashion designer once told me when I worked for him in the '90s: "Surround yourself with talented people."

I noticed that the staff and cabinet of the former governor had very little respect for the office, because it had been held by power-hungry republicans who couldn't care less about the lower-class and minorities. I fired most of them, and replaced them with real-life friends who would become my chief of staff (my ex, Jeremy), attorney general (Stacey), and secretary of state (JP). I can't remember the other appointments I made, but I do remember that I hired my friend, Jeffrey, to redecorate my offices because they were hideous!

The Celestine Prophecy claims that dreams have important meaning; so did Freud and others. If you can help me with the meaning of this dream, or maybe just why it is so vivid and clear, I would certainly appreciate it. Should I be forming an exploratory committee??? (LOL!)

Anyway, my new friend, Patricia, is visiting Billy and Margot here in Atlanta, and the other night, I was looking through old DVDs for something that we could all watch. And what did I come across? The Celestine Prophecy! When I first watched the movie version of the book I read over ten years ago, I remember thinking that it fell short of the book, and I was reluctant to suggest it to them. But the four of us had a continuous conversation going about spirituality, so the other night, we watched it. The protagonist is played by one of the actors who is now on Gossip Girl, except he is more youthful and handsome. Coincidence? Maybe that one is. ;-)

Patricia also read The Celestine Prophecy, but far more recently than I did. We bonded over it, and the movie reminded me of all the amazing things that were explained in the book, such as synchronicity. I also realized that James Redfield's teaching are parallel to those of Ekhart Tolle's. I cannot leave out the part of the prophecy that says human consciousness will change during the early years of this new century. And Tolle's A New Earth says that human consciousness MUST change if the human race has any chance of survival. Other respected prophets, such as Edgar Cayce, Nostrodamus, and the Mayans (to name only a few), have also predicted change to come in the years we are living in now. According to the Mayans, the world will experience a change that culminates on December 21, 2012. Devastation and political upheaval are predicted to occur just before the end of the calendar on that date. Japan just suffered one of the worst earthquakes and tsunamis in recorded history, and devastation and political upheaval have occurred throughout the world very recently.

I finally went to a meeting last night for the first time in a year, only because a friend asked me to take him. The details of his identity and issue are bound by the anonymity of the program, but I can describe the feeling I felt during the meeting. Several influential people were at the clubhouse that night, and I felt a sense of inclusion that I hadn't felt for a while. I wanted to be there, even though my intention was not to seek help myself. It was a feeling of goodness that almost moved me to tears. The friend who asked me for help may have, in fact, helped me more than I helped him. Coincidence?