The Main Event Quickly Approaching

It's been a busy few weeks!! With the help of some exceptional friends and generous community members, we pulled off a successful Cotillion fundraiser at Cowtippers last Wednesday. I want to take a second to thank those who helped with the event, and those who contributed products or services:

Julio Leyva of Helmet

Mo Cowan of Joe's Trivia

Edward Robinson of Gravity Fitness

Cory Camp of Helmet

CJ of Helmet

Alfredo Olvera of Nordstrom

Louis Lindic Photography

Phillip Rafshoon of Outwrite

Jeffrey Blooms Events

and, of course, Steve Tyrell & his staff at Cowtippers

Having the first event has given me a renewed sense of determination and confidence. And with one event under our belts, my committee and I are anticipating a successful, fun, and rewarding fundraiser this Saturday at 7pm at Helmet in East Atlanta. We've brought together some prominent figures in Atlanta's gay community for a very fashionable party that will feature a cutting-edge runway show in which Boy Next Door and local designer extraordinaire, Jeromy Allen Wiborg, will feature their flashy threads.

Farewell, MJ

The passed two weeks have been eventful, to say the least! Let's go back to June 24th. It was a day off from my new job at Luxe (which is going quite well, by-the-way), and I was running around with Mo. We meet up on Wednesdays to discuss and plan Atlanta Cotillion events. So far, we have a trivia night at Cowtippers in the works, a beer bust at Joe's, a house party/fashion show at Herbert's, a comedy night at the Park Tavern featuring Jeffrey Blums, and a joint-debutante party at the Georgian Terrace. So, things are progressing, and I couldn't be doing this without the help of my committee: Mo, Julio, & Jay.

We've suffered several set-backs so far, most-recently when Mixx denied our request to host a party there. Their reasons were that they didn't want an outside DJ, they hated the idea for a drag show, the party couldn't be on a weekend, and a few other reasons. I quickly formed a resentment towards Mixx like a true alcoholic, however, I will let it go and focus on the other venues.

Thursday came, and I was excited to be doing a photo shoot with my good friend, Josh, who is also an amazing professional photographer. I disliked the headshot we did for the Cotillion, and I thought Josh & I could do better. We went to the park for a couple of hours and had a great time! The photos, by the way, came out great, and you can view them on Facebook.

I headed home to change for the gym, and my ex-husband and now good friend, Jeremy, called. I answered, and he immediately asked, "Did Michael Jackson die?"

I was like, "What??"

"Yeah, I think he really died."

I put on CNN and got onto Facebook, and after about an hour, it seemed quite certain that he was gone. I went to the gym, and was almost in tears as I worked out. For the rest of the evening, I received phone calls, text messages, and Facebook notifications from friends around the country asking me if I was okay. Friends I hadn't heard from in years were contacting me and telling me that they thought of me first, when they heard the news.

My younger friends were unphased and somewhat insensitive at times, but it was the people I had gone to school with who were sad and confused by his death. I was about six when Thriller was released, and my two brothers and I bought MJ jackets that looked like the one he wore in Beat It. We played that record over and over for a really long time. I was a huge fan. He was the greatest artist to me when I was a kid. When Dangerous came out, I studied the music and lyrics as if I were to be tested. It's still my favorite album. I watched the world premiers of Black or White and Remember the Time, and they were the greatest videos ever.

I was at Tower Records in Times Square at midnight for the release of HIStory, and I dressed up as Michael my senior year of high school for Halloween. It was so much fun because although people knew it wasn't really him, they screamed with delight anyway! I did it again in college, and I won third place for best costume!

I had forgotten that I admired him as much as I did, until the calls came in on that dark day. I was home in New York this passed weekend to visit my family, and some of my friends brought up the times I had dressed up as MJ.

Today was his memorial service in LA, and I got to watch a little of it at work, and it seemed most of the world was doing the same. It's a terrible loss to the whole world to have lost someone so talented and giving. He gave of himself more than almost anyone. His daughter, Paris, spoke at the end of the service as Janet stood by her side, and even without sound on my computer, I started to cry, because I imagined how awful it must be for the family.

I just want to say that I truly believe that he was a good human being, someone who was terribly misunderstood, and someone who paid a dear price for incredible fame and success. He was a talent we'll never see again, because there will only be one Michael Jackson.

New Job, New Home, New Direction!!

It’s Memorial Day Weekend in Atlanta, and I’m at my new job at Luxe Midtown. Many of my friends are vacationing in Pensacola, Provincetown, Fort Lauderdale, and Dallas. I’m actually happy and grateful to be at work instead of on a trip partaking in the fun debauchery that historically accompanies this weekend because, for the first time since my last drink over twenty-nine months ago, I have a full-time job that pays enough to cover all of my living expenses. For the passed couple of years, I’ve made a go at a real estate career while balancing part-time jobs at Gravity Fitness, Joe’s on Juniper, and even Nordstrom. I’ve recently decided that my individual real estate aspirations can take a back-seat role to something more stable, so I was recently hired as Luxe condominium’s new closing coordinator, and I love it! It’s really the perfect job during this recession because it’s real estate. Each day I’m here, I’m learning; and the knowledge I’ve acquired on my own is constantly refreshed, so I won’t forget legal terms and laws.

So, although I’m not at the beach, I’m earning a paycheck, and I have an extra day off for Memorial Day. I’m sure my friends are having a great time partying, but the weather this weekend is less-than desirable. I’m also going to be moving to a new home in the next week after my last shift at Gravity on Tuesday. My current living situation has become a bit dramatic, so as Mason moves to his new home in Brooklyn, I’ll be assuming residence at his condo, which is conveniently closer to Midtown.

As summer approaches, I try to devote my downtime to the Atlanta Cotillion, which is a fundraiser for AID Atlanta that I’m doing this year. I’m going to be throwing several summer parties to raise money for the cause, and it all culminates in September with a drag ball to celebrate he who has raised the most unrestricted funds. The winning debutante will be crowned Queen of the Cotillion. My good friend, Jay, is helping a great deal with the parties as they are a great opportunity for him to promote his party company, Spiked Productions. Ernest is also helping a great deal with his fundraising ideas and writing. Julio, who is now a celebrity in the community as a result of his swimsuit spread in David magazine, will be bartending at the parties. The whole effort still seems daunting to me as things fall into place. The $5,000 minimum to raise seems like such an enormous amount. I compare it to the $2,300 I raised for the Northeast AIDSRide back in June of ’01. But the difference is, I asked people for donations back then; I didn’t throw any parties. I also drank heavily back in those days. So, with the help I’m receiving from my friends, and all the connections I’ve made in Atlanta, I should be able to draw substantial crowds to the events.

And if you’re reading this, you’re support is obligatory! See you this summer!

A Short-Lived Affair

It's been a few days since M & I broke up, and I'm still a little down in the dumps. What sucks the most is that we were so good together, but we both knew it wasn't going to work out. I know we'll be good friends, and that our relationship will evolve into what it was meant to be, but for now, I need to just keep my head up. I need to avoid blaming myself or him, and I need to avoid entertaining negative thoughts that might depress me. Most importantly, I need to avoid drinking alcohol over this. They say, we drink over the little things, and because this was a short-lived affair, it would fall into this dangerous category.

I'm not worried, though. Drinking is not something I'm contemplating. However, I am seriously thinking about finding some naive trick to rebound with. I'm sure some would say, "Go for it," and I'm not saying I won't. I'm only human, but I'm not sure how disrupted my serenity would be after such a fling. Do I really want to introduce more drama into my life?

Tonight, M & I are going to go out to Swinging Richard's. . . as friends. And at this point, I'm very happy to have him as a friend because he's an awesome guy.

Have I found love in Redneck Georgia?

So, for the passed few weeks, I've been seeing this new guy, who I shall call M, for the purposes of privacy. We seem to have a lot in common, and there's definitely a lot of electricity between us. He's a very attractive, intelligent twenty-eight year-old architect from Baton Rouge. We established early on that we're both unconventional guys. I mean, our first date was at Swinging Richard's, if that says anything about us. Then again, my relationships have always been "progressive" in more ways than one.

It's been almost two years to the day that I've been single, and as thrilled as I am, I know much adjustment will have to occur. For instance, I'm working at the gym tonight, and my flirtatious nature is more prevalent to myself than usual. Not that I'm any more flirty than I usually am, it's just more obvious now that I've been in a relationship for the last twenty-four hours. Also, in the passed two years, I've become the happy bachelor, going out with friends and having fun while not necessarily looking for anyone or anything. I've become quite accustomed to having my own space, in my own bed, in my own decision-making, and especially in going wherever, whenever.

In my passed relationships, and especially in my marriage, I've seen the two components of a relationship more as a single "unit." I would consider the other person when grocery shopping, making plans with others, and deciding on the next city to live in, among other things. So, I know it's going to be like that. But I'm also a different person now. I've been without an alcoholic drink for twenty-seven months next week, so hopefully, I'm less selfish. I can only imagine that a relationship without my drinking would have to be infinitely better than relationships with. I've also done a lot of growing up in the passed two years. Desires to go out all the time because I was afraid I was going to miss something social have become far fewer. And socializing has become a much more productive activity. Now, I like to attend functions rather than see what's going on in the back-room of a dingy club. I guess I've gotten more than a few things out of my system.

Anyway, the real story lies in the activities of this passed weekend. M had been spending the week in Quitman, GA, which is just west of Valdosta, and about eight miles north of the Florida border. He was making some extra cash at his friends' antique store, and he asked me to visit for the weekend. I got off to a late start on Saturday, but I had just bought new tires in preparation, so I was speeding along I-75 at warp speed. I met them at a Mardi-Gras party at this tiny Cajun bar/restaurant in the middle of nowhere a mile north of Florida. The people were very sweet, however, we refrained from any public displays of affection. We smoked, ate, and drank (diet Coke for me), and then we went to this place called, Rascals. For as long as I live, I'll never forget Rascals. The only way I can describe it accurately is it was like a modern-day skinhead party with more hair, less hate, and no gowns. Fortunately, we were travelling in a large group, so we were pretty safe among the white, Baptist, illiterate republicans. As I watched them dance to music I didn't know, I realized that all they had to do was meet us, and they'd be cool with us. They weren't hateful people; they knew what they knew because that's all they know! It was an eye-opening experience.

From there, we went to Charley O's, which was an old, Irish pub with a good band, and a more progressive crowd. They had a couple of hot bartenders who served as very nice eye-candy. We chilled there for a bit, but M & I were getting a little anxious for some "alone time." We took M's friend's house key and headed home. That night, for lack of a better term, M sealed the deal with me. I was ready for a relationship.

The next morning, M's friends took us to this very inexpensive soul food type restaurant. The food was amazing! I had heard of really excellent Southern cooking, and I think this was my first experience of exceptional Southern cooking. We ate like pigs, and then went home and napped. We awoke in a panic when we realized that we were not going to make it back to Atlanta by the beginning of the Oscars. But by that time, nothing else mattered. I wanted M to be my first boyfriend in two years, and in sobriety.

We had separate cars, so we followed each other on the way home. I made sure he knew that we'd stop at least once for coffee. He's well aware, by this time, of my addiction to coffee. But we also stopped to eat at a Hardee's, and as we both got out of our cars, I told him I was ready, and that I wanted him to be my boyfriend. We kissed in the parking lot, not caring about who might see. We then ate our hamburgers and fries with new-found excitement. When we got home, we watched the remainder of the Oscars, and I cried when Sean Penn won for "best actor" for Milk. What a great weekend!

The next few weeks will be interesting to say the least. M has decided to do some vegan cleansing ritual for the next 21 days. He can't smoke or drink, so I told him I might give him some room this week. I've learned from passed experience that a boyfriend without cigarettes is a complete bitch, so until we get together again, I'll be on this side of Atlanta, and M can stay on THAT side!

There's Nothing Like the Present

It's 2009, and I'm SOOOO living in the present right now. I knew the new year would be better than the last, but I totally didn't think things would improve as quickly as they have! I can barely keep up, actually!

A couple of weeks ago, I was planning on moving to a new, one-bedroom apartment in the same apartment complex I'd lived in for almost two years, the Aventine on Sidney Marcus in Buckhead. But at the very last minute, like on December 30th, my good friend Jeffrey invited me to move into his huge, beautiful townhouse off Buford Highway. It all happened within the blink of an eye: I got back my rent check from the Aventine for January, and moved into Jeffrey's. Business hasn't been great for anyone lately, and Jeffrey decided that renting out the guest bedroom would help him out.

So, for the first time in over two years, I walked into the liquor store at Ansley Mall. Nothing had changed, and all the vodkas were still in the same place. Before you freak out, I wasn't buying it for myself. In fact, I bought it and some pizza as incentives for my friends to help me move. I hate to move, and I couldn't do it alone. After I threw out half of my worldly belongings and gave the other half away to a young college student moving into the same complex, I moved into Sterling Oaks, a gated community just north of North Druid Hills. It's perfect. I'm so happy!

Pumba & Simba now have a new friend! His name is Max, and he's Jeffrey's dog. I don't know much about dogs, so I don't know what type of dog he is, but he's a tiny, fluffy lap-dog. He's very cute, and he doesn't know what cats are. The three of them are taking their time adjusting to each other, but no violence has broken out, and they pretty much just examine each other from afar. It's interesting to watch them as they try to figure things out. My kitties have already grown accustomed to their new home, and they seem to be quite happy. I was a little apprehensive at first, but things are turning out okay.

Aside from my new residence, other aspects of my life are improving as well. One of my best friends, Jay, left the gym, so we needed to fill in some hours. So, I picked up some extra hours despite my fear of working too much. It's an irrational fear, and I need the money! My new part-time gig with Will, the event-designer is good! It's flexible, and because it's mostly organizational work, I find it to be quite easy.

My two hot real estate leads cooled to warm, at best. But my investor-client purchased not one, but TWO properties this week. They were both cash deals, so we closed both very quickly. That commission comes in quite handy as I try to improve my financial status. Things have gotten to be pretty tough for people, and we really need to make money however we can (honestly, of course). A very close friend of mine just got the word that his position will be eliminated soon, so I just sent out an email to friends who might know of anyone looking for an accountant. I'm sure he won't be the only friend I know who is facing a lay-off.

So, for now, things are good in my life, however, I'll try to look out for my friends as best as I can. I've been listening to Oprah's radio channel 156 on XM a lot lately, and it's inspired me to "live my best life" by living a more spiritual life. And that includes taking care of myself and my family & friends. It's very AA; I highly recommend it to everyone.

Take care, and have a fabulous 2009!

My Ethnicity versus My Hometown

Several nights ago, my friend, Julio & I were at Blake's. We were having a particularly good time considering the fact that it was a Monday night in December, and very few people were out. It was also fairly late when we got there, but the DJ started playing some older stuff after he played his requisite Rhianna, Britney, Madonna, etc. The crowd got really into it, and Julio, being the avid dancer he is, pulled me into the "dance area" of the bar. We danced to Donna Summer, Michael Jackson, and C+C Music Factory, among others.

Julio was being flirty, as usual, so we met some people we hadn't previously met. One was particularly interested in Julio, so Julio gave him his number. Afterwards, Julio moved onto the next guy, an older gentleman who happened to be a very good dancer. I say older, but he was probably my age. As they chatted over by the bar, I sat at one of the hightops next to the windows. Guy #1 came over to me and introduced himself to me. He wore a baseball cap and was probably in his mid-20s. Without a second to waste, he asked me, "Where are you from?"

"New York," I answered.

"Duh," he said.

"What?"

"Beyond that," he said.

"Are you asking me what my ethnicity is?" I asked.

"Ummm, yeah," he answered.

"Well, where I'm from and my ethnicity are two different things," I reasoned with him, who was visibly intoxicated. "My Mom is from El Salvador, and my Dad is American of Irish and Welsh descent."

I don't know why I chose a drunk, country boy in Atlanta to correct, but I guess I was a little frustrated with this simple, yet slightly offensive concept.

Almost every day, a person wants to ask me "What are you?" And, unfortunately, here in Georgia, fewer than most people know how to ask. I'm very used to the inquiry, which I get almost every single time I meet a new person, but after having lived in Atlanta for three years, I guess I want people to ask me with some discretion instead of blurting something out that says to me, "You are different, and we don't see folks like you around much."

I was born in Greenwich, Connecticut, where I went to high school, but I grew up in Port Chester, New York. After high school, I moved to Boston to go to college. I'm very proud of my ethnic heritage, and I've been to El Salvador and Ireland, both more than once. They're both beautiful countries, and I want to explore them further. However, I've never lived in any other country other than the United States. So, when a person asks me where I'm from, my first assumption is to answer the question with the proper answer. I don't see why I have to assume that the person asking is more interested in where my parents, grandparents, and ancestors are from.

I didn't get upset with drunkie at the bar, but I did correct a person for the first time, and I don't think I was wrong to. In Boston, where I lived for eleven years prior to my move to Atlanta, people were just as curious to know what my ethnicity is, but they asked with discretion. Here, people don't realize that when they ask one thing, and mean something else, they are pointing out the fact that I look different than they do, and that I'm the one who's different. It's crass and ignorant, but it isn't ill-intentioned. So, what am I to do?

I just want to put this out there so that people will think about this a little differently. The United States is made up of all different kinds of people, and we all need to exercise a little sensitivity when we want to ask about each other's differences. We should really stop thinking that there is more of one type of person than another, or that this demographic is smaller than that one. Let's embrace diversity! Let's instead complement each other on our exotic looks and forget about our parents. We're all individuals and we should be proud of heritage, but the here-and-now is what is most important, so let's assume we're all Americans, and let's talk about sex instead!